Blog Sport

Allen Iverson: Reasons for and Against a Move to China

2010-09-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

How the mighty have fallen. News came this week that Allen Iverson is contemplating a move to the Chinese Basketball Association. He would join fellow has been Stephon Marbury. All they would need would be fifty more washed up NBA stars and they might have themselves a league.

Why would an aging star that is bound for the hall of fame decide to go to a far lesser locale instead of hanging up his sneakers for good? Then again, why wouldn't he?

I have grappled with the notion of A.I. playing in China long and hard and have come to the realization that there are very good reasons he should play in China, as well as others that would make it ludicrous for him to do so.

Pro
He is a star. At least he was. It may be cliche but it is not without truth to say that aging superstars find it very hard to let go of their top playing days. A move to China could give Iverson the satisfaction of being a superstar. The fact that he would once again be adored may outweigh the fact that he would be in a far away land. His basketball acumen would be tested away from any real competition. He could then relive his glory days. For someone that has been at the very pinnacle of the sport it may be more attractive than warming the bench on a less than stellar NBA team.

Pro
He will create distance between himself and the NBA. If Allen Iverson has anything more in the tank he needs to prove it beyond these borders. His situation is proof that he has just about exhausted the patience of general mangers and owners. A year or two abroad with great results will do well for him to be accepted back into the NBA. The 35-year old better shape up soon. His legs will not take more than a couple years.

Pro
Money. The second reason behind love for anyone that plays the game. Stephon Marbury, only two years younger than Iverson, has already played a year in China and negotiated a three-year deal. Further than that, Shanxi Zhongyu, the team he plays for, will co-market Marbury’s shoe. Iverson can expect the same. Money and playing time not available to him in the states will be in abundance in China.

Pro
The competition is just right. Marbury, by all accounts, was an empty jersey his last year in Boston. He averaged only 18 minutes a game and scored close to four points a game. In his first year in China, he raised that to a staggering 22.9 points a game. He was also granted a bid to the All-Star game.

The 22 points a game are on par with Marbury’s best years. The Chinese competition is just soft enough to put a little spring into an older NBA all-star’s step.

Con
He could ruin his legacy. Allen Iverson was one of the most prolific scorers the NBA has ever seen. This jaunt to the NBA equivalent of double-A could tarnish that image. Imagine if Alex Rodriguez left MLB baseball to play in Japan. There would be no end to the talk of him petering out with a whimper.

Look at the flack that Michael Jordan received at the end of his career for not hanging it up, and he only went to Washington to play.

Con
It is not Europe. I mean this in a number of ways that are not geographical. For starters it does not have the infrastructure that European leagues have. It is a relatively new undertaking, starting in 1995, whereas leagues in Europe are more entrenched in the culture (Lega A Italy started in 1920, Liga ACB Spain started in 1956, et. al).

Also, the CBA is finding itself forced to institute a salary cap as unchecked spending has invoked fears in the leagues supporters.

Con
He will be out of the press. You will no longer hear funny jibes from Iverson about “practice” or how he is not committed to his team. He will in a sense disappear from the national spotlight. Stephon Marbury has been gone for only one year and I can barely remember what egotistical whining looks like.

Con
He will wish he hadn't. Especially come January when a contending team goes looking for a back up or even a starter to take the place of their recently fallen guard. It happens every year and it will happen again this year. That may be the one last shot Iverson has to make a difference in the NBA and he will be out in China throwing up thirty a game against guys who wouldn't make the WNBA cut.

Summation
It comes down to what is important in life: money or prestige. Iverson can hang it up today and go down as a malcontent, but a malcontent that could shoot the lights out. If he plays in China he risks being ever known as the NBA version of Willie Mays in a Met jersey. The choice is his and I can’t wait to lambaste him for whichever one he chooses.

Fantasy Football

2010-09-08T15:28:00.000-07:00

So, tonight is my annual fantasy football draft. It is not my favorite night. A friend once asked me to explain the intricacies of the National Football League. I relayed that a douche bag that is infected with entirely too much self worth throws an irritatingly odd shaped ball across the field to an even bigger douche bag with the ego the size of my tummy. He catches this ball and runs past the safety who is just as fast as the douche bag that caught the ball but he doesn't know how to catch so the coaches put him on defense. So his job is to tackle the the doucher with the ball. They do this all game until the guy who majored in accounting comes and kicks a ball between two sticks. The game ends when one of the players robs someone or shoots themselves in the leg with a concealed pistol. Hall of Famers are allowed to engage in statutory rape where appropriate.

But all this is not my beef with the NFL and fantasy drafting. These are:

1) Forcing a Statistics based game into the NFL format. Granted this works for offense, albeit not very well. But then they throw defense in as one small, general entity of a football game. I think the 2005 Steelers would argue that defense makes up a bigger role than just one of eight specialized fantasy roles.

2) Injuries - The biggest complaint about fantasy baseball is that it takes too long. Well football may be played once a week but everyday one of my players is subjected to turf toe, abdominal strain, or just plain homesickness. Well I am tired of it. Not because I have to put in Pierre Garcon for Hines Ward every other day but because the NFL gives you cute little terms for how hurt a player is. I get IR (injured reserve), NA (not active), O (out) but the rest just frustrate.

   Day-to-Day - This means one of two things. Either your featured back is going through an amputation and the team is disguising his horrible injury as a day-to-day phenomena or he is completely fine and they want you to think he is impaled with something painful. It is rarely an actual day-to-day phenomena.

   Doubtful - adj. Not known with certainty: As in - Felix Jones was listed as doubtful so I kept him out of my lineup. He then ran for 500 yards and ended world hunger so I lost my weekly match-up to Teabaggers Anonymous.

   Probable - adj. Likely to be the case or to happen: As in - Visanthe Shiancoe is listed as probable. I can be 100% sure that he will play which makes the probable label a misnomer and he should be fucking listed as "totes."

   Questionable -adj. inviting inquiry As in: Rex Ryan labeled Mark Sanchez as questionable this week. Rex Ryan is fat and I wish he would be more direct with his status of his players ability to play.

All this means is that you can't trust if your stud wide out is going to play, play well, or even show up. So you scour new sources every minute to gauge if the injury report is erroneous, fact, or somewhere in between.

3) Crime - This one is bigger than you think. Nowhere else in sports do you have to draft with the assumption that your player may or may not be at some point in the year speeding across state lines with a dead body in the trunk. Please draft players with a little to no predilection to break federal and state crimes between September and January.

4) Kickers - Really. I have to really draft a kicker. These guys are semi-football players at best. You are telling me they hold almost the same weight as defense? I thought it sucked giant donkey nuts drafting three closers in baseball but drafting one kicker in any round just feels like...Well it feels a little like dying. I don't like that feeling and I don't like you Akers.

With that I hope to wake up tomorrow with the Rams defense solidly in tow and my first weekly match up to be against the Walla Walla Up Your Butts. They after all make the Justin Bieber Reduxes look like the Frosted Corn Holes. At least in my league they do.

Ten Reasons Why Kobe is Better than Lebron

2010-08-02T16:09:00.000-07:00

The last month has afforded us some deep insight into the psyche of a city scorned. Cleveland may have some bitter resentment or even a tinge of murderous rage towards LeBron James. Trouble is, they created him.

Before “The Decision”, James was, in many people’s minds, the best player in the NBA. While the past month’s events may have initiated a questioning of that fact, it only takes a brief look into the person closest to his skill set to see the argument against that theory.

Magic and Bird were compared, Jordan to them, and Kobe Bryant to Jordan. It is a cycle that will never cease. Since the moment LeBron James took his talents to the NBA, he was measured up against the best. Here are ten reasons why Kobe Bryant holds the title of best player in the Association, and why LeBron remains comfortably in the number 2 spot.

10 Kobe is a champion –

Let’s get the obvious out of the way. Championships are the measuring stick we use in American sports. It is why Michael Jordan is still making underwear commercials. Would we all be so interested in his “airness” if he did not rattle off two three-peats in his career? I will make it easier: would we laud Robert Horry with so much praise if he didn’t have the jewelry that he does? No, he would just be a great role player that played for various teams. And sort of looks like Will Smith.

9 Kobe stayed –

This is a rarity nowadays. You almost can never purchase a team jersey. Then you’re “that guy” walking down the aisle at a Dodger game with a Steve Finley jersey. Kobe tested the waters of free agency. I remember. Los Angeles was losing their collective minds like it was rainy season. No one knew what to do or say. Church attendance was at an all time high. Then came his “decision.” He said he would come back. He had a press conference. And then went to work. Yes work, not Tao.

8 Kobe has a closer’s mentality –

This is perhaps everyone’s favorite trait to expound on an athlete. He is a killer. Although I am sure it is not as if Kobe Bryant and Mariano Rivera are out big game hunting with a pocket knife and floss in the off-season. There is truth to this mentality, though, and the success it lends to the athlete.

LeBron James has now fled the harder of scenarios for much greener pastures. The champagne is flowing before he has won anything in Miami. Which is fine when you consider this is the party LeBron enjoys. No pressure.

7 Kobe has no friends –

Now there are those that like Kobe, hell, even love Kobe. But you do not have the kind of relationships on the court that you might have between, let’s say, Magic and Isaiah Thomas. You will not find The Black Mamba kissing his opponent before a game. Kobe barely shakes hands before a tip-off. Why congratulate your next kill. That would just be rude.

He does, however, have enemies, those that irritate him. These are people we would normally try to avoid. But things are a bit different when you are chasing titles. Kobe welcomes the pushes and shoves. So much so that sometimes these enemies become allies. Take for example, Matt Barnes, whom a few months ago was trying to bounce a ball off of the Mamba’s grill.

Now Bryant is welcoming him to Los Angeles. Matt Barnes, a recent Laker acquisition, relayed, "He told me anyone crazy enough to (explicit word) mess with me is crazy enough to play with me." Kobe loves winning so much he will do it with his enemies.

6 Names –

Kobe is the best tasting beef you can get in the world. It is made from cows that are fed on beer and little cow dreams.

LeBron is, by my best guess, a French term for someone who has the pre-disposition to take his talents elsewhere.

5 He wants the ball –

Better yet, he craves the ball. No, no, that won’t do. He demands the ball. But this seemingly bad trait has become the epitome of what people now want in their athletes. By people, I mean Cleveland and by now, I mean since LeBron tanked in the playoffs. Kobe has had his detractors but no one can deny that he wants the ball at all times.

4 Defense –

LeBron has turned the corner on defense. He has received honors for NBA All-Defensive first team in 2009 and 2010. This is a new trend and is not indicative of his whole career. LeBron only recently has showed the tenacity it takes to be successful on the opposite side of the ball.

Kobe Bryant is an eight-time first-team and two-time second-team All-NBA defensive selection. More importantly is his insistence at times to lockdown the opposing team’s best player, as he did recently with Rajon Rondo in the 2010 NBA Finals.

3 He knows who he is –

When describing himself as a leader, Kobe has no qualms telling people that Derek Fisher is the nurturing one and he, well, is not. He knows his role. He understands that some people hate him and that some people expect the world from him. It is the latter that gets him up in the morning for workouts.

When James left Cleveland, one thing became very clear. LeBron James does not mind not being the man. The wear and tear of knowing the city’s hopes were on your shoulders was too much for him. Yet he wants to be a global icon, a champion, a ringleader. The dream is counter to his lackluster drive. He has been told time and again he is the king but he has not realized that his actions have told us otherwise. He would much rather hold court alongside others than lockdown the throne himself. The king would very much like to be the jester on a winning team.

2 He has been through the Fire –

You cannot have a ten-point article on Kobe and not mention Colorado. Taking just the sports angle here, you have to marvel at the extreme nature of the trial and what Kobe did. During the regular season in 2003 he went back and forth from Colorado. All the while he maintained his court edge, leadership, and gaudy numbers. He even came back in time to empty a buzzer beater on the Portland Trailblazers at the end of the season, giving them the Pacific division.

For years after, Kobe was vilified. He lost his credibility and sponsors. But here we are. Someone is actually writing an article on how Kobe is better than someone dubbed “The King.” It speaks volumes to Bryant’s tenacity and “win at all costs” nature. History will view him as a winner. A few years ago this was far from true.

1 Kobe is lucky -

I am not talking about his shots that fly through the net with regularity. You can chalk that up to skill and hard work. Kobe is lucky to be in Los Angeles. We can all wonder what would have happened to Kobe Bryant had he stayed in Charlotte, the team that originally drafted him.

The trade that sent Kobe to L.A. and Vlade Divac to the Hornets was in hindsight very fortuitous for Bryant. He was immediately placed on a playoff team with a superstar that could take some of the growing pains out.

Kobe wasn’t the best or brightest to start out. He has come to this point in his career through sheer sweat and determination, but it could have been worse. He could have been LeBron before LeBron.

LeBron James was drafted by the Cleveland Cavaliers, his home team. The tale could have been so sweet. You would have to disregard the fact that Cleveland is a championship-barren wasteland, a place where hopes go to die. But in his signing with Cleveland, you could see the end of the story. “Local boy comes to save the day!”

What is missing from all this is sports, in its precise moments and overall big picture, takes a lot of luck. You not only need to be good. But you also need a great team around you. You also need a great coach. You also need to be healthy…and so on. Kobe Bryant is a hardworking athlete that landed on the right team at the right time.

Sherrill Rant

2010-07-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

Things are pretty bad in Dodger land. The owners are in the middle of a heated divorce. Manny Ramirez is hurt, again. They have lost six straight and are now looking up at the top of the NL West from fourth place. If all that weren't enough. They still pay George Sherrill to come in a pitch for them. What was lost in last nights debacle is that Sherrill was the one that gave up a two run double in the ninth. He always gives up runs. That is just what he does. They could have done a lot better signing a leper to a $10 contract. Their ERA would be similar and you wouldn't have to look at a silly goatee.

In this recession how can anyone pick up a paycheck for such ineptitude. You don't see me going into my coworkers offices and just taking dumps. That's what Sherrill does. He goes out there and just poops. Then Torre has to go out and clean up after him. Its just nauseating. Well I don't blame Torre, the front office, or the like. I blame the parents. How people could raise such a lack of production is just beyond me. So please parents read to your children. If you don't they will grow up to pitch like George Sherrill.

The Lucky Few

2010-06-10T14:14:00.000-07:00

It's Christmas in June. Soccer fans throughout the world are holding their breaths just a bit today, ready to exhale for an entire month. I am, for lack of a better term, excited. But if you have a better term please send it in. My symptoms include dry mouth, perspiration, and a complete inability to work.

The World Cup is March Madness in June. That is if March Madness were an international affair pitting the top athletes in their sport against each other every four years. So yes, World Cup is better than March Madness. That should say something to those nay sayers out there. Especially since I used to loathe futbol.

But now I am part of the lucky few. I am aligned with those in this country that can witness and marinate in the greater picture that is soccer. I was once befuddled by those that could sit around and watch a game that had no score for an hour and a half. Now I know the answer to that question is easy. You sit and watch. Once you do so, you will never look back.

My arguments were the same as yours. The scoring is too low. Well that's a very American thing to say. Sometimes the foreplay is just as tantalizing as the act itself. In soccer the build up of a potential goal is like an hour with a beautiful woman. Except if you're me, you are drinking beer and the room probably smells like carnitas. I am talking about the game watching not the being with a woman...but the same for that too. Either way the passing and movements in open space are like poetry. That is of course if poetry was awesome.

What else? Oh yeah the flopping. I can't help this. I hate it. You hate it. The players feel foolish doing it. Its a necessary evil that more people should just accept. Running around for ninety minutes is tiring. So if there are no timeouts in this sport, why not just fall down and say "Hold on a fucking second, I'm Super winded over here." I can deal with that. I think I might employ this tactic in my daily life, perhaps after reaching the top of a flight of stairs.

Then there is the possibility of a game going to kicks. This is another acceptance that one has to make for a game that already takes from every player all they can muster. When running for 90 minutes does not give us a winner, the players will run for thirty more. If they still have none they can either run for a little more and make a complete mess of the field or they can just kick the ball and call it a day. I hate that this happens, but really there is no other way.

But in the arbitrariness of the free kick is the justice of it all. Both teams get a coin flip. The rest is left up to fate. I like that idea. Let's let some magical mysticism decide the game. I guess. I'm sure I will still be pissed in the end. But here's to the journey. That is all soccer is after all.

Oops

2010-06-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

There is one case where tie does not go to the runner. It is when the pitcher of record is working on a perfect game and it is the ninth inning. That being said Jim Joyce missed an obvious call to rob Armando Gallaraga of a a perfect game. Don't believe me? Check here.

Basically in the ninth inning of a perfect game, all players are secretly telling themselves, "please don't hit it to me, please don't hit it to me." Now Joyce has given us, "Please hit a fly ball, Please hit a fly ball."

I just checked and "My Bad" does not sufficiently cover it for apologies.

2010 NBA FINALS

2010-06-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

ESPN re-aired Game 1 of the 2008 NBA Finals. Being a Laker fan, I appreciated this memorial as much as remembering when I shit my pants in kindergarten...OK, first grade.

I came to a revelation. The Lakers were grossly over matched in 2008. I just didn't see it then. Let's start with Paul Pierce in the first game. If you recall he broke his knee. So much so that he had to be carted off with a look of despair and pain. He grimaced like he had been shot in the leg. But then as if a brilliant ploy, of which I am sure there was none, he comes out of the locker room skipping. Pierce basically came out like Daniel Laruso in Karate Kid. Although please recall Laruso was limping after. Pierce was not. So the Lakers lose the match up between athletic trainer Gary Vitti and whatever magical potions and/or small Japanese janitors they have behind their locker rooms in Boston.

We also lacked depth. Ronny Turiaff was in the game with the Lakers down six in the fourth quarter in game 1. That is my only argument.

I also realized that the finals are quite over before they even start. To prove this all one has to do is witness the glory and splendor that is NBA officiating. Its the only sport that it's audience brazenly declares that you get "calls" at home. Where in any sport is this so prevalent. A foul is a foul and it is only less of a foul if you are a home team in the NBA. The Lakers have four games at home this series.

So who wins? With questions on one side about injuries and the other about age, this series will come down to who has to go deep into their bench early and often. If Brian Scalabrine gets more minutes in the series than Adam Morrison then the Lakers are looking good. Here is to hoping Morrison keeps on those warm-ups.

Ned Colletti

2010-04-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

Today Ned Colletti, GM of the Los Angeles Dodgers, announced that he has the biggest set of balls in the world. He did this by having the gall to criticize the team and Matt Kemp for a lack of effort. He is either very stupid or is very much separated from reality because the troubles of the Dodgers rest squarely on his shoulders.

He was quoted on a Los Angeles radio show as saying “I’m not satisfied with the presentation. I’m not satisfied with execution. I’m not satisfied with the thought process of it.” How about not being satisfied with the personnel. Which is your side of the ball. The Dodgers woes are largely pitching related. The fact that Los Angeles started the season with two young as yet unproven pitchers, one malcontent, a knuckle-ball pitcher, and Hiroki Kuroda is Colletti's fault, not the players.

This is a rare time in Dodger history where a team can throw up nine runs in consecutive games and lose both those games. The Dodgers rank in the top five in the National League in major offensive categories. Yet they are in last place in the West. Perhaps it is because the Dodgers rank near the bottom in every pitching category.

Back in December, Colletti insinuated he had no monetary restrictions this off season. This leads one to believe one of two things. Either he is lying and divorce proceedings drastically cut into his staffing the rotation with arms or he is a really bad General Manager with a tiny mustache.

What about Matt Kemp? Well he certainly has been mucking it up on defense and base-running. He must be cashing it in. It would very well be prudent to question his work ethic. Unless of course his manager vouches that he shows up early to get his work in and he is currently scoring most of the runs on the team.

Matt Kemp is tied for second in the majors in home runs, tied for third in RBI, and first in runs. Granted he has made some horrible gaffs. But it may be a mental aspect of the game that someone needs to talk to him or comment about. How about Joe Torre, the manager of the team.

If the next words out of your mouth aren't "Damn I should have re-signed Randy Wolf, at the very least Jon Garland," I don't want to hear it.

Edinson Volquez

2010-04-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

Another MLBer succumbs to the pressures and wiles of performance enhancing drugs. Edinson Volquez who is renowned for little will serve a 60 game suspension for using PEDs.

His suspension can start during his already lengthy disabled list stay. So sadly, the only true punishment he will receive is the initial announcement that he cheated and the fact that he will still be on the Reds. However, announcements such as these are hardly treated with much fervor anymore.

Three years after the Mitchell report was released, allegations of roids and other PEDs are met with a ho-hum attitude. Mark McGwire is now treated to great applause in St. Louis. Dodger fans know only two things about baseball, cheer Manny and bring a beach ball. In New York, well Yankee fans will win at any cost so Alex Rodriguez gets a pass there too.

But in the case of Mr. Volquez I can hardly blame him. If I pitched for Dusty Baker I may need some sort of horse pills just to keep my arm from falling off.

AL West

2010-04-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

Mariners
Angels
Rangers
A's

Things should be tight out west. There is no clear cut power house in this small division. The two teams that will vie for control of the division may have their fortunes told by one key acquisition, Chone Figgins.

The Angels did not tout a powerhouse team last year. What they did well was to put runners on and work station to station. Figgins epitomized their strategy with his high OBP and ability to get into scoring position with his speed. Now on the Mariners, Figgins will change the fortunes of a few games in Seattle's favor. This and solid defense will give them the edge in this division.

I would normally not count out the craftiness of Oakland. This year however, they are looking less young and promising and more old and decrepit. Their team is in perfect position to make some late season trades for more talent to stock into their farm system.

NL West

2010-04-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

Rockies
Dodgers
Diamondbacks
Giants
Padres

Everyone is always dogging on this division. It used to be with good cause. However this group is deceptive. With the Rockies making noise in the playoffs in 2009 and the Dodgers beating the Cards in the divisional series, there is an argument to be made that this may be one of the stronger divisions. With that I dub the NL West the "sneaky hot" division.

Granted each team has their question marks. The top two teams may falter if their staffs cant hold it together long enough to get to their bullpens each game. This young season has already illustrated that the Dodgers pitching is so bad that the Pirates are able to tee off on them.

The Giants tout one of the best rotations in the game. They will also get a boost offensively with Pablo "I'm so fat they relate me to a panda around these parts" Sandoval having another year under his belt. The Padres have some depth, especially if Chris young can find his form. I will go out on a limb and say the Padres will win at least a couple of games this year.

NL Central

2010-04-02T15:26:00.000-07:00

Cardinals
Brewers
Cubs
Astros
Reds
Pirates

Lets work from the bottom up here. The Pirates are essentially The University of Pennsylvania baseball team with a nicer stadium to play in. You can't approach their team with what they lack because it is so bountiful. Instead lets look at what they have. Andrew McCutchen. There that is it. So, let's move on.

The Reds have pitchers but they will again be slain at the hands of Dusty Baker. The Astros have mediocrity so that's a plus if you aim for the middle of the pack. The Cubs still have that goat thing hanging around their neck. Which brings us to the teams that matter.

The obvious clear cut favorite in this division of miscreants is St. Louis. They have the best tandem of pitchers in the league and Albert Pujols. Both will be enough to reach the playoffs.

The main point I want to make here is the underrated talent of the Brewers. Most have this team finishing third or later. I struggle to find the reasoning in a division of average ball clubs. They have a decent rotation with a solid bullpen. Milwaukee's lineup has both power and speed. This should be no challenge to bypass Chicago's curse or the Astros patchiness.

AL Central

2010-04-02T15:07:00.000-07:00

Twins
White Sox
Tigers
Royals
Indians

The Twinkies and Sox will battle it out the whole year. Granted those of us in warmer parts of the country may have but a passing interest. In the end, Minnesota will shock some and impress most by putting together pitching and defense with timely hitting. They are a model to those teams hoping to keep the payroll down and still win consistently.

The White Sox have depth in the starting rotation. Buehrle, Peavy, and Floyd will hold down what will be the most consistent aspect of the team. The White Sox may have to worry about a lineup that can be at best explosive and at worst schizophrenic.

Looking up and down the lineup card, Ozzie has to scratch his head at the expectations. You have those past their prime in Konerko and Andruw Jones, those that are waiting to see if they can reach their best in Quentin, Alexei Ramirez, and Gordon Beckham, and those that will either falter or flail at some point in Teahen, Pierre, and Pierzynski.

The Indians, are bad. You can properly gauge how bad as I have them finishing below the Royals. The Royals are the perennial nether region of MLB. Watching a Royals game is a bit like eating a full meal from KFC. It seems harmless, even appetizing, at first. By the end, frequent trips to the bathroom are necessary. And I have the Indians below that.

AL EAST

2010-03-30T16:21:00.000-07:00

Yankees
Red Sox
Rays
Orioles
Blue Jays

I imagine it must suck to be the Tampa Bay Rays. You wake up every morning knowing that no matter how hard you try, you may not succeed because you play in the same division as the Red Sox and Yankees. Now take that feeling and imagine you are the Orioles. Its like you wake up and someone tells you that Santa does indeed exist but he finds you to be utterly horrible and will never visit you or your city.

The AL East, also know as the douche-bag division houses two teams that literally throw money at their problems. Rumor is George Steinbrenner came down with a bad case of SARS but then just rubbed a finsky on his chest and, voila! It wouldn't be so aggravating if it didn't actually work.

It will once again be a coin flip at the top of the table. More than likely the loser of heads/tails will still get into the playoffs as the wild card. It is my hope however that the Rays can bounce back from a less than stellar year and show us all that youth and vitality is not wasted on the young, or the vital.

The Blue Jays should bring up the rear on the division. They are gutted and want for any semblance of a star. But please don't count out the Orioles and their amazing ability to play really bad baseball.

NL EAST

2010-03-30T16:20:00.000-07:00

Phillies
Braves
Marlins
Mets
Nationals

There it is. That is how they will finish.

Why not start a breakdown of every division with the easiest to call. Philadelphia comes into this season every bit as talented as last year. In some senses they went and got better. They now have the best in the business in Roy Halladay. He will prove a vital tool when the Phils make it back to the playoffs. Philadelphia has a bit of karma on their side by throwing geriatric hurler Jaime Moyer every fifth day, and some say the elderly are useless, puhshaw. Philadelphia has an American League type lineup with hitters one through eight and will run away with the division, if they decide to win at home this year.

The problem for prognosticators comes at second and third place. Therein lies real challengers to the wild card race.

While both the Braves and Marlins tout strong pitching staffs, the Braves get the edge with a little more depth. Even with a sophomore jinx, Tommy Hanson will be one of the best 4th starters in baseball. He should keep his ERA under 3.50 and net at least five more wins over the Marlins fourth hurler Chris Volstad.

The Mets should find a way to under utilize Johan, Beltran, Reyes, Wright, and Bay. They will suck but not in a way that anyone will notice. Which is the worst kind of suck.

The Washington Strasburgs will sell out every five days if and when their lord and savior Stephen Strasburg gets called up.

Fantasy

2010-03-26T16:11:00.000-07:00

I had my fantasy baseball keeper league draft this past weekend. One thing I have noticed about fantasy owners, they always think they drafted the best and you drafted the worst. You can follow every mock draft and pick with the precision of a scalpel but you're still an idiot. In the end, the grass always looks greener on your own front yard post draft. So here is the information you didn't ask for:

KEEPERS

The eleven team league I am in is a collection of dudes I have known from college. They range from the obsessed waiver wire pick-up guy to those that lose interest sometime in April. The constant rule is you keep your six best players from the year before. This has posed a detriment to me when I had to keep the likes of Adrian Beltre from lack of star power. This year is different. It just has to be. Because I am horrible at fantasy sports. I am the Washington Nationals of our league. Perennially in last place, it all changes here and now. I feel it with this list of studs:

Matt Kemp
Prince Fielder
Mark Teixeira
Victor Martinez
Brian Roberts
Yovani Gallardo

There it is, speed, pop, and pitching. That's even before I drafted.

DRAFT

This is what separates the men from the boys. Championships are won and lost through season long tinkering but immediate scolding and draft smack talk happens immediately. Here are some of the finer points in this years draft:

- In the first round of the keeper draft Mike starts a closer run by picking three straight closers. This is for lack of a better term, a dick move. No one like drafting closers. They are unreliable messy entities. They are kind of like pubic hairs. Very messy up-keep but everyone has them. So you may have to trim Brad Lidge every once in a while but rest assured this particular pube is on someone's team.

- I take Nate McLouth in the fifth round (13th overall). A great pick until after the draft when I find out he forgot how to hit. Now the next few weeks will be dedicated to stalking the progress of McLouth like he was an ex-girlfriend on Facebook. Unhealthy, but it happens.

- Adrian Beltre goes to Keith in the 23rd. I always have a special place in my heart for this steaming pile of 3rd baseman. I put so much trust into him for so long and he always underachieves. I feel like a disappointed father season after season as I see this man who could have been a mixture of Brooks Robinson and Mike Schmidt. Being a loafer myself I can appreciate when someone is phoning it in. And I hate it. So I make special note when he gets taken.

- We added a 25th round this year. Usually the last couple picks are poop you wouldn't scrape off your shoe but for some reason the guys really wanted to draft more poop. I am particularly proud of mine because he backs up Billy Wagner. Being Billy Wagner must be tough because you live everyday knowing you are going to get shelled and/or hurt for a 15 day spell. Here is to Saito in the 25th.

Well despite my fantastic picks I am sure to suffer from torn hamstrings, bloated ERAs, and the like. But I will be sure to keep you up-to-date on my ineptitude.

Around the Horn

2010-03-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

Nomar

No-Mah retired Wednesday. Now I can stop feeling bad. The last few years have been really tough on me, perhaps even on Mr. Garciaparra himself. Everyday I saw him try to hit the ball with power or play first base with seriousness I lost a little of my soul. No-Mah was a Hall of Fame talent with a brittle body. Imagine what he could have done had he taken steroids. He may have hit 8 home runs last year. The world will always wonder.

Baseball Injury

Every year we are treated to a baseball injury. A player might sneeze to hard or dream about spiders and then wham, 15 day disabled list. Now Jose Reyes may miss eight weeks because of elevated Thyroid levels. He may have to cut down on his seafood intake but that's about it. The great thing is it is not career threatening, not that any baseball injury ever really is.

Duh

Cubs GM Jim Hedry lambasted Milton Bradley this week. His sentiment was basically that Bradley needed to look into the mirror to find all his problems. He then relayed that his signing of Bradley was "a mistake." The GM's of the Expos, Indians, Dodgers, A's, Padres, and Rangers were heard to yell "No, Shit" immediately. Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik was quoted as saying "oops" to the signing of Bradley.

What gets me is how many teams Bradley has touched with his awesome craziness and superhuman ability to deteriorate team morale. Yet he keeps getting passed along to the next sucker. Why not send him to MLB oblivion, or are the Royals all set in the outfield?

Figure Skating Takes Hold

2010-02-16T16:15:00.000-08:00

The Winter Olympics started this weekend and women all over the world lost their shit. In what can only be described as a mix of a Taylor Swift concert with a Twilight premier combined with Brad Pitt sensibilities, Couples Figure Skaters engaged in the short program this weekend.

Husbands, boyfriends, and overzealous single men will be forced to “pay attention to how graceful that is” for the next fortnight. Known to some as the World Cup for Vaginas, Figure Skating is rocking the foundation of what is normal in everyday society.

Many men find they may feel like complete idiots for the next week or so. With no idea of how figure skaters are scored, men are relegated to such phrases as:

“Wow.”

“They really stuck that landing.”

“I can see that guy’s package.”

“Isn’t’ Project Runway on?”

Meanwhile, women will relay that that “Zayak Rule” disallows skaters from repeating the same triple or quadruple jump continuously in their free skating program.

Well, I have to go now. My petite female counterpart just polished off the last chicken wing and went into the bathroom with the Sunday paper. I’m off to do the dishes now. She doesn’t appreciate what I do around here anymore.

I can’t wait for baseball season.

Around the Association FebRUary 16

2010-02-16T15:56:00.000-08:00

Well, we are sneaking up to trade deadline time. This usually means a great deal of rumors with most, if not all, never panning out. Some years, the trade deadline buzz flat out fails to deliver. It is following that same path this year. While talk of Amare to Cleveland or Ray Allen being exiled abound, we are left with some lack luster news. The Clippers got rid of Marcus Camby for Scott Blake and Travis outlaw.

While the trade does get the Blazers a Center that isn’t currently in crutches or naked on the internet, it doesn’t lift them in the playoff picture at all. From the Clippers standpoint…I actually stopped caring mid-sentence there.

Meanwhile some teams are on the hot seat to make a trade. Boston is going through some growing pains. They seem to be a bit old or dysfunctional to challenge for the title as they are currently designed. I guess things look that way when you lose half time leads to the lowly Hornets. They are kind of like Carrie Fisher in When Harry Met Sally. You could see the inevitable aging happen right on the screen. So it is with the Celtics. With every game, they are looking more and more like a middle-aged white woman.

The Do Ron-Ron

2010-02-10T20:36:00.000-08:00

If you’re anything like me you have been waiting patiently for a blow up from Ron Artest. We were almost treated to one late last week. Ron-Ron took offense to being held up by Joey Graham and almost socked his face.

The above clip is particularly delightful for a number of reasons. My favorites are as follows:

Joel Myers reaction of “ooo” when Artest spun and fired the haymaker is priceless. In that instant he was really saying. “No Ron, for the love of god they will suspend you for the entire season!”

But what is magical is the debate between Stu Lantz, the color commentator for the Lakers and Joel Myers on why there was a technical. When Myers fails to illustrate that almost hitting someone with a closed fist isn’t enough, they decide it’s the playful shove of the face that did it in the end.

Either way I am now glued to the TV for every game, as I am sure Artest is one ticky-tack foul away from going mailman on everyone.

Around the Association - Jan 25th

2010-01-26T13:20:00.000-08:00

All-Stars
Proving once again that the general populace can be trusted with not even the slightest of responsibilities, Allen Iverson was voted into the Eastern Conference All-Stars. The NBA did side step embarrassment when Tracy McGrady was finally outpaced in voting. This did not deter the public at large from voting in Iverson as a starter in this year’s festivities. Granted the East is this year’s equivalent of the short yellow bus, but there are more deserving guards in the Association.

Iverson has played a grand total of 19 games. Those 19 games were not grand or spectacular. Allen Iverson is a mediocre player attempting 14 shots a night. What happened to the glory days of chucking up 25-30 a game? Diminished skills are not the only reason he should be watching from home February 14th. Karma should have a say as well. He mentally and physically quit on the Grizzlies forcing them to trade him away. Time and again this type of action gets rewarded in sports. Iverson gets a homecoming to the team that started his career, as well as an undeserved All-Star bid.

Blake Griffin
Blake had successful knee surgery which will keep him resting 4-6 months. He hopes to be back and training by summer. This should give him ample time to get well enough to re-injure himself before the start of the 2010-2011 season.

Dunks
This week, the lineup for the Slam Dunk contest was finalized. It is by far the worst lineup to date. All participants can dunk with creativity I am sure. But there is not a celebrity amongst them. Nate Robinson will return, again. It was tremendous to see what he did the first and second times around. But I get it now. You’re small. You dunk. Congratulations!

In what reeks of desperation, the NBA will have a dunk off between Eric Gordon and DeMar DeRozan for the final dunk spot. Really, a play-in game for the Dunk Contest. How has the play-in idea worked for the NCAA?

Agent Zero Saga

2010-01-04T22:19:00.000-08:00

The truth finally came out about the Gilbert Arenas saga. He is a prop comic. Agent Zero’s side of the story is that he was joking around with Javaris Crittenton when he invited him to choose one of three guns owned by Gilbert Arenas. Here are some questions I need answered:

Why three guns? Plaxico Buress saw fit to shoot himself in the leg with one gun. I am sure that Arenas could have done enough joke telling with one, maybe two guns. For me, three was a little hacky. Why not wear rainbow suspenders at that point.

Why have guns in the locker room? His statement is that he wanted to keep his four guns away from his children. For this reason, he moved only three of them to the locker room in D.C. I can only speculate that he kept a gun at his home in case he wanted to pull out any gun toting humor within the confines of his domicile.

Why resort to gun possession as a means to demean Crittenton? I for one could have seen a very brief but jarring exchange where Arenas, who allegedly welched on a bet, resorts to NBA name-calling. Crittenton does average 13 minutes and 5 points per game on his very short career.

This is a very humorous scenario where one very rich egomaniac bought a gun one day. Then he bought another, then another, then another. He found himself bored to death with not being able to use the damn things so he did the next best thing. He showed them off. If I know David Stern like I know I do, this will be the last thing he shows in a locker room for quite a while.

Around the Association - December 17th

2009-12-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

Kobe is playing with stomach aches and broken fingers. Referees are missing blatant calls and calling ones that don’t exist. It must be another week in the NBA.

Kobe

Kobe had 42 points against the Bulls Tuesday night - not very impressive for a man with his skill set. What is astonishing is that he did it with a fractured finger on his shooting hand. What is even more remarkable is that he was having er, um, digestive problems all day. I remember I ate a bad calzone once. I immediately lost five pounds, shook uncontrollably, and slept for a week. Kobe Bryant decided to drop 40 points on the Bulls while his stomach had the taco gurgles. Oh the next day he hit the game winner against the Bucks. I am definitely underachieving in life.

Hall-of-Fame

Jerry Colangelo, Naismith's newly elected chairman of the board is toying with the notion of allowing the fans and media to have a say in who makes it into the Basketball Hall-of-Fame. He said the fans would be “involved,” which many are hoping means the results would be made public much like the NBA and MLB do. What makes me cringe is having the fans actually have even a modicum of say in who makes it into the Hall. These are the people that are voting Tracy McGrady into 2nd place in All-Star voting this year. This just in, T-Mac has not played at all this season.

Creamsicles

Kevin Durant unveiled his new line of Basketball shoes in a game against Dallas Wednesday night. They look as if Nike went to Nerf and said gives us the first thing that comes to mind. I tried to watch the game but between Durant bricking shots and the whole team wearing these atrocities my eyes stopped working for two hours. I didn’t go blind necessarily. My eyes just refused to capture the images on the screen. It was actually the only pleasant part of the game.

Always Interesting

2009-12-04T12:15:00.000-08:00

When certain athletes take to the podium they excite well beyond any news conference should. Allen Iverson is one of those athletes. Possibly outdoing his “practice” rant, Allen Iverson openly wept at the prospect of becoming a 76er yet again. He is happy. Philadelphia wants him back. Win-Win, Case closed right?

This might be the case if Iverson were a different person, but he is not. You can be assured; A.I. will take 25 shots a night and completely forget that there is a specific offense in place. He will force one on one situations multiple times a game. The coaching staff will boil and this will only be the start.

Once Lou Williams comes back from a broken jaw, the decision by Eddie Jordan to bench or start Iverson will commence. That is when we will find whether Iverson has truly changed or not.
I haven’t been the biggest Shaquille O’Neal supporter but his recent stint with the Cavs illustrates how the aging athlete should act. He accepts his role as role player to LeBron James. Iverson should realize that his best days are behind him and he should play for team first. It may be something he has never done but it is the only way he stretches this one year contract into another payday. My favorite quote from the day was “I want to retire here.” Well you may have to buddy. No NBA team wants a former All Star that causes headaches instead of producing wins.

Around the Association

2009-11-30T19:31:00.000-08:00

Iverson

Sources reported that the Sixers and Allen Iverson met for two hours on Monday. I’m still not sure what took two hours. Iverson is looking for a starting job and the Sixers are looking for anything to spark life into their 5 and 12 team. This is a no-brainer. Allow Iverson to come back and end his career where it all began and sell a couple more jerseys while their at it.

Nets

The New Jersey Nets are staring history straight in the face. Their historic march to the worst team in the NBA is well on the way. Their first real test is Wednesday against the formidable Dallas Mavericks. This will be the first test of their ineptitude. A loss Wednesday would clinch the worst start in history at 0-18. After that, all that remains is eight. That is how many wins they must finish with to clinch the worst overall season, surpassing the 9-73, 1972-73 76ers. Their magic number is 57.

Vandeweghe

Rumor has it that GM Kiki Vandeweghe will take over the head coaching job for the New Jersey Nets. Del Harris will be a coach alongside Vandeweghe who has limited bench experience. This begs the question, why not just have Del Harris as the head coach. It makes it a lot easier to fire the head coach when he is not also the general manager. The Nets should take this lesson from the Knicks during the less than desirable Isaiah Thomas era.

Wallace Fined

While it is not news when Rasheed Wallace gets a tech, it may be news when I out and out agree with him. Wallace received a fine for his “verbal abuse” of referees after the Toronto game on Friday night. His frustration with flopping and ticky-tack fouls happens to also be the annoyance of all that watch NBA games. The NBA needs to allow for a tad more emotion than is allowed. You have grown men playing a physical sport. Things are meant to get heated. That’s when the sport is at its best. Officials are too quick with the whistles. Sadly, I don’t see a revolution starting with a Rasheed Wallace sound bite.

Hot Stove

2009-11-10T17:23:00.001-08:00

Sammy Sosa’s most surprising secret may not be his alleged steroid use but the fact that he is actually a white man. That and the fact that the McCourts were not the happiest couple in the world, well nothing surprises me anymore. Here are some updates from the little birdie we call the hot stove.

Red Sox

It looks as though the Sox will keep Victor Martinez, lending the question of what to do about Jason Varitek. If he does return they may want to use the DH for his spot. Varitek hit .209 last year. This is well within the range of any Red Sox pitcher to hit.

Milton Bradley

While the money owed to him was supposed to be a hurdle, FoxSports.com is reporting that Milton Bradley trade talks are heating up. Milton Bradley would go to the Blue Jays. The Mets would get Lyle Overbay. And the Cubs would get Luis Castillo. If this goes through it would be an even trade across the board. The Mets would get a first baseman if the decomposing Carlos Delgado does not return. The Blue Jays would get a solid outfielder that may or may not implode their team. And the Cubs would get far away from Milton Bradley.

No Replay

Baseball general managers failed to vote on expanding the use of instant replay. I for one am thrilled for the news. I may be in the minority here but instant replay in baseball needs to be slowly brought in. Granted the games pace would be perfect for side bars on the correct call but the culture of baseball would falter. Ghost tags on a double play, fooling the ump on a close play, even a great pickoff move that may be slightly illegal are all plays that teams and players count on. If these and other examples would disappear the game and players would suffer for it.

Around the Association

2009-11-10T17:20:00.001-08:00

Iverson is acting up, the Clippers and Knicks are horrible, and Stephen Jackson is pouting. Things are pretty normal in the NBA this week.

Lebron

One thing we can count on this season is that pundits, commentators, announcers, and Craig Sager will all hit us over the head with the fact that the 2010 class of free agents is the greatest class of all freaking time. One free agent in particular will be under a microscope. LeBron James will be dissected for any hints of his intentions to flee Cleveland.

This past weekend, King James claimed that he will choose his next team based on their chance of winning. I would think this would preclude the Knicks from the discussion but you never know. Sure they will have the cap space for a generous offer but there are no guarantees that any supporting cast would like to join LeBron in one of the two worst teams in the NBA.

Clippers

This brings me to the end all be all of horrible franchises. The Clippers started off the season with evidence that god does not like them. This came in the form of injury to their latest first round pick Blake Griffin. Things looked promising when they were able to cap off three consecutive wins. That all came to a halt on Monday night when they were pummeled, at home, to the Hornets, by 28 points. On paper the Clippers look like a seven or eight seed. But it’s hard to win when you are pre-ordained to be miserable by a higher power.

Stephen Jackson

In his latest effort to get traded, Stephen Jackson’s agent Mark Stevens made public attacks on Warriors head coach Don Nelson and questioned his trustworthiness. It seems that Jackson has had about enough of the Warriors and really wants to leave. He probably could have helped himself out by not signing a three year $28 million contract. If things have gone south, the best way to get what you want is not to scream and shout like…wait, no that is precisely how you get what you want in the NBA. Look for Jackson to be traded shortly.

Yankees Win...Again

2009-11-05T15:34:00.002-08:00

The Yankees win again. That is a lot like a fat kid eating a pastrami sandwich in front of a homeless shelter. While the rest of us have to abide by the “wait till next year” chant, New York faithful are busy thinking of a better, more improved lineup next year. The lump in my throat is the knowledge that John Lackey is available this winter and we could very well see a stronger Yankee team with more than three starters in the playoffs. This is a thought that will keep me up at nights.

The Phillies are fine. There is no need to jump ship yet. They still have the second best lineup in baseball and will concentrate on their bullpen and pitching staff this off-season. Hell, if they just took Brad Lidge outback that would net them five extra wins next season easy.

While I am sad that the baseball season is no more, I am stoked to give out some very prestigious awards:

The Scott Brosius Award for Least Likely MVP – Hideki Matsui

If you would have told me that Matsui would win the World Series MVP a week ago I would have called you a liar. They just don’t give those out to designated hitters. Well except for 2004 when Manny Ramirez won it. He is essentially a DH that walks around left field for nine innings.

World Series Foot-in-the-mouth Award – Cole Hamels

Mental note: Never insinuate that you may be quitting if you live or work in, at, on, or around the city of Philadelphia. It may be the City of brotherly love but they will kill you in your sleep if they think you’re not trying.

That’s the last time we will see him in a meaningful game Award – Pedro Martinez

While he made the Yankees his daddy, he now has to ask his mommy if he can pitch next season.

Done celebrating because I will be a Blue Jay next year Award – Johnny Damon

Look for the Yanks to upgrade over the whithered outfielder. He has a very slim chance of coming back to New York, unless of course the Yankees are just giving money away. Oh, WAIT.

What a difference a year makes Award– Cole Hamels and Alex Rodriguez

Last fall Cole Hamels was described as Sandy Koufax, wrapped in Bob Gibson, enveloped with bacon, and stuffed in a Christmas stocking. Now he just leaves hanging curveballs to anyone who asks for them. Rodriguez on the other hand, has renewed his career. He is no longer a choke artist, steroid taking, money grubber. Well at least not in New York. The rest of America still needs more convincing.

Through 5

2009-11-05T15:34:00.001-08:00

There you have it. Cliff Lee is the dominant ace the Phillies wanted and needed. In the end, though, it won’t be enough. Philadelphia has proven that they can score with the best of them. They just have trouble stopping the Yankee assault. This point was driven home last night.

As soon as Cliff Lee relinquishes the ball to another arm all assuredness goes out the window. The Phillies may have won game 5. Yet all they did was stay the execution. To win it all they have to face both Andy Pettitte and C.C. Sabathia. Both are seasoned big game hurlers. Philadelphia has a glaring problem from the mound.

The Phils send up Pedro Martinez in game 6. Unfortunately, they need him to pitch all 9 if they have a chance to force game 7. Yankee hitters proved they can get to the bullpen in a hurry. If they do play Thursday, they send up Cole Hamels, a player that indicated recently that he just wanted the series to be over. Receiving flack from teammates and the city of Philadelphia, Hamels has recently backtracked on those comments. In the end however, you need a fearless pitcher to command a game 7. The Yankees will have that in tonnage in Sabathia. The Phillies will be hoping Hamels can keep the score down enough for Cliff Lee to close out the game. That is no strategy for success.

World Series

2009-10-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

Here we are, well into fall and on the precipice of possibly a classic World Series. If the Yankees win, I will find solace in that I won’t have to hear about the Yankees gaining retribution for not winning the title for a whopping 8 years. How the media plants a chip on the Yankees shoulder is beyond me. This is like Lakers fans getting miffed if there is no three-peat.

This series could be very close. This is a rare time when the National League team can match batters pound for pound with the American side. Both teams can hit the ball out of the yard when needed. The offenses are very similar with the speed going slightly to the Phillies.

Both teams have great defenses. When you look at each depth chart it really is hard to decipher who you would take between the positions. Teixeira and Howard are monsters at the plate but Tex may get the nod because of his fielding. Utley is arguably the best hitting second baseman in the majors right now, but Robinson Cano is not far behind, and is younger.

Shortstop may go to Rollins if it weren’t October, a month Jeter dominates from both sides of the ball. The only real mismatch is at 3rd base, there ARod is a hall of famer and Pedro Feliz looks good in a hat.

The one thing that may keep this from being a tight series is the pitching. Last series the Phillies were able to get past their faults in the pen by dominating the Dodgers with their starters. In this series however, they are on the short end in both starting and relief pitching. Phillies starters are ill-equipped to face a line-up like the Yankees. Save Cliff Lee, the Phillies will be sending up questionable pitchers like Cole Hamels, Joe Blanton, and for game two Pedro Martinez.

Hamels is a ghost of his 2008 self. He is neither overpowering nor fooling anyone at this stage. Joe Blanton is a fastball pitcher that likes to start a batter by throwing balls in the dirt. He will get behind in counts to a disciplined lineup and subsequently give up a long ball or two. Pedro Martinez looked good against the Dodgers, but then again Vicente Padilla looked good for a start against the Phillies.

The Phillies will most likely have to match the Yankees run for run rather than quieting their bats. Either way Charlie Manuel will have to go to the bullpen earlier in games than he would have liked. From there Chan Ho Park will remember he is Chan Ho Park. J.A. Happ will get bombed. Ryan Madson will walk batters. And Brad Lidge will either strike out the side or give up a grand slam.

This looks to be a good one, so pop open a beer, loosen the pants, and put up your feet. This may take a while.

Deep Thoughts

2009-10-21T12:44:00.000-07:00

Well it seems like the Yankees and Phillies get to play at least one exhibition game each before heading to the World Series. Both Championship Series are all but wrapped up with cute little bows on them.

If the Dodgers do win tonight they have the great fortune of facing Cliff Lee again. If the Angels win tomorrow and in game six they have to face C.C. Sabathia. We all know how both teams fare against those respective aces. For a second let’s disregard the match-ups. Let’s get down to what really matters in baseball, the subtle nuances.

Some things I learned in the Championship Series round:

1) Ron Darling sounds remarkably like James Woods. I finally realized this because I chose to focus on the tenor and repetition of his syntax rather than listen to…

2) Buck Martinez is a nose breather. He breathes through his nose and while funny in the first inning became quiet annoying in the second. And that was game one. I had to sit through this man’s nose whistles all through the 27 outs of each game.

3) Matt Stairs may look like a Little League dad who goes out and drinks all week and plays softball with his buddies on Sundays, but to Jonathan Broxton, Matt Stairs looks like the monster you always believed was in your closet as a kid.

4) The American League series was a tight one if you take away all the home runs the Yankees hit. Also please imagine a world in which Alex Rodriguez dominates in the postseason, seems bleak right? Well that’s the world we live in now.

5) Tim McCarver is currently in a heated battle with the English language. Who will win I am unsure of but we are worse off for witnessing it.

6) I could have easily gone out and got five of my closest friends and umpired these games. We would have been just as effective and might not have blown so many calls.

7) ManRam takes a shower in the ninth of game four. A leader on the team, he is neither there to console or to praise had the Dodgers pulled the win out. I still do not understand why he is supported by the fan base in Los Angeles.

It may be a long layoff before the World Series. I for one will be stocking up on cases of beer. I have found that’s the only way to truly follow what Tim McCarver is trying to say. It makes watching the World Series more understandable.

American League CS

2009-10-15T10:58:00.000-07:00

So let me get this straight. The Yankees went out and spent roughly the GDP of Kerzblakistan on better starting pitchers and yet they will take on the formidable Angels with…three pitchers. This seems like a bad return on investment.

Joe Girardi has decided to go with a rotation that will have the very spry and not a bit overweight C.C. Sabathia pitch in a possible 3 games this series. To his credit it is not a strategy born of great minds mulling it over, rather it is derived from necessity. You see, it’s October and the Yankees have really only three starters you can count on. Joba Chamberlain is best used as a catch-all pitcher that can go long or short and Sergio Mitre has a propensity to let the opposing team score a lot.

A three-man rotation may cause trouble if they get past the Angels and have to go to a 4-man rote in the Series. But that brings me to this series. The three-man rotation is pure trouble when you consider that two of the three are left handers. The Angels have no problem hitting left-handers. This has the makings of another Steinbrenner blow-up. I for one will not be able to handle a Yankee loss. Not because I am a fan-I am not. It’s because every year the Yankees fail to bring home a Series title they buy more players the next year. Soon it will be the Yankees and a couple teams with the likes of Chris Davis and Barry Zito on them.

The Angels have eight guys hitting .297 or higher on the year against lefties. Basically get used to Angels being on base. Also get used to Scioscia running his little heart out against Posada.

Now the fun part is that the Yankees have an all-star lineup that can crush the ball. Add the fact that Yankee stadium turns pop ups into home runs and you have the makings of a very ugly series.

I guess my main point is this will not be a pitchers series. Scores should average above 5 and very well could take 4 hours to play.

National League CS

2009-10-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

These playoffs have reaffirmed what I thought I already knew about baseball. A lot of times the loss goes to he who screws up first, often, or both. Either a closer will throw a changeup out over the plate, or a shortstop will flub a double play, or Matt Holiday will try to run and catch at the same time. More often than not these mistakes turn into game changing blunders. Looking to the National League match-up on Thursday, I have decided who will screw up least.

Both teams boast solid defenses. Dodger faithful may even have images of gold glove infields of yester year. Likewise, the Phillies have nary a hole to hit to. This would almost be a complete tie on defense if it weren’t for the Manny in left field. I know it’s coming. It hasn’t yet. But it will. There will be a gaffe of such epic proportions as to end the Dodger hopes in one foul swoop. Things have been too easy out there for him. Sure every fly ball looks like it wants to come out of his glove. Sure every gaper is chased at walking speeds. But a big one is coming. Set the DVR to record.

As for rotations I have to give the “most likely to get rocked” award to either Randy Wolf or Brad Lidge. One constant with Wolf is that when he takes the ball, you know the opposition will score three runs. You can take comfort in that it will not be more than that but either way he will leave the game with three runs having been scored. As for Brad Lidge, I mean, come on, even Brad Lidge was holding his breath when Brad Lidge was pitching the ninth inning on Monday. He really only had one pitch he was comfortable with and that was his slider. Lucky for Lidge, Troy Tulowitzki was fond of swinging at pretty much anything that night.

Now what hitters will go completely absent for the next week? Smart money is Pedro Feliz. This guy wasn’t exactly raking the ball against Colorado. He went 3 for 13 but still scares me. He has a Scott Brosius thing about him. He could easily go 1 for 20 in the next series but that one could be the game-winning walk off single.

So which team will screw up least to take this thing? My guess is the defending champs…then again it could be the Dodgers. I’ll let you know after I see how many fastballs Padilla can throw without Chase Utley hitting the pavilion.

Playoffs: American League

2009-10-07T15:09:00.000-07:00

Twins v. Yankees

The Twins were not supposed to make the playoffs this year. The same can be said of last year as well. Actually every year they do well after Kent Hrbek retired is pretty much icing. But here they are well into October, keeping baseball in the Metrodome for at least one more game. Unfortunately they are up against the best paid team in baseball - and they still have to play in a marshmallow.

The Yankees’ weakness the past couple of years has come in the arm department. It should also be noted that Yankee players have no actual souls so that could be a minus as well. This year however, they have a great one-two of Sabathia and Burnett and plenty of depth in the bullpen. Their greatest strength in that department may be Joba Chamberlain. He can pitch a few innings of long relief if need be or he can be ready at a moment’s notice to pitch to one batter. A guy that versatile in the playoffs is extremely valuable.

The Yankees also benefit from the Twins coming off an extreme high and may still very well be suffering from champagne hangovers. What’s scary thought is that the Yankees usually have Alex Rodriguez on slump mode right about now. But he has been heating up every month and just had one of the best games of his career to end the season. It turns out his injury at the beginning of the season was a blessing in disguise. But he still has no actual soul to speak of.

Red Sox v. Angels

Let’s disregard the fact that the Angels have three division series losses to the Red Sox. This is a new year and what’s striking is that these two teams are pretty close images of one another. Take away the ability of both Jon Lester and Josh Beckett to turn into K machines every so often, the Angels and Red Sox are pretty much split down the middle talent wise. The regular season record illustrates this with the Angels taking five of nine.

Both squads have extremely talented hitters throughout. What both lack is a step-up stud of a hitter. Neither has the one guy who pitchers would rather pitch around than put anything near them. This has not deterred either from being extremely potent on offense. Rather, the hits are spread out all over. This is a pick em’ series that should go all five.

To pick the winner of this one I flipped a coin nine times and the Angels won. However I remember that I still can’t stand the Rally Monkey so I switched to the Red Sox. Monkeys should be lauded and laughed at for their comical behavior not invoked to spur on a rally. That’s right the Red Sox win because Angel fans worship monkeys. You heard it here first.

Playoffs: The Senior Circuit

2009-10-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

Rockies v. Phillies

The Rockies are as enigmatic as the division in which they play in. Touted as a young team on the rise, the Rockies started the season as underachievers.

I would also like to take this time to throw a special shout out to my boy Garrett Atkins whom I drafted in the 7th round of my fantasy league this year. Atkins was supposed to be the slugger the Rockies desperately needed this season. He is now backing up Ian Stewart at third base. Let me put this in perspective for you Garrett, Dexter Fowler is getting more hacks then you right now. Dexter weighs a little more than a fat infant and he is getting the nod over you in crunch time. I hate you. I’m sorry - I just really could have used the power from that position this year.

Anyway, they would hit their low point of 12 games under .500 in the beginning of June. Management felt not enough was being done with the talent on the roster and manager Clint Hurdle was fired. That being said, the Rockies have been the hottest team in baseball since the break. Jim Tracy has brought back a sense of calm to the young dugout. Starters such as Troy Tulowitzki feel at ease knowing that their skipper has faith in them. The players have dutifully rewarded him with solid defense, consistent hitting, and a playoff berth. If Jorge De La Rosa can be fit to pitch in this series Colorado’s chances skyrocket.

Please don’t misconstrue me. The Phillies should win this series. They have a better roster and won it last year. That should be the end of the argument. But what fun would sports be if great teams didn’t have at least one fatal flaw? The problem for Philly is in their bullpen.

While the Rockies are trying to maintain their heat, the Phillies are trying to return to postseason form. Last year Philadelphia had a seasoned and lethal bullpen. They played with a confidence after the seventh inning not many could. Unfortunately for the defending Champions Brad Lidge has gone from a lights out solution in the ninth to a shaky proposition. There is no doubt that Philly touts a better lineup and starting rotation in a short series. They have the power to make short work of the Rockies. The only caveat will come when Hamels, Lee, or Blanton have to surrender the ball to the bully.

Cardinals v. Dodgers

With Torre and LaRussa at their respective helms, the Dodgers-Cardinals series will be an interesting exhibition in strategy. And we all know how exciting baseball strategy exhibitions can be.

The Dodgers come in with the best record in the National League but may just be the underdog in this one. Both teams tout a stunning lineup of speed and power. The Cardinals have a lethal combo of Pujols and Holliday. Either of which can turn the game around in one swing. The Dodgers counter with Manny Ramirez whom the Dodgers are confident will turn things around for the series. They also feature one of the best hitting center fielders in Matt Kemp. He is not only adept in the batter’s box but also on the base paths. Oh, I almost forgot the stunning contribution Jim Thome brings to the table for the Dodgers. His ability to fly out in crucial situation may prove vital in the week ahead.

The game changer comes in the form of the starting rotations. St. Louis has two of the best in baseball in Adam Wainwright and Chris Carpenter. The Dodgers have used the entire season to piecemeal a consistent rotation together. With Billingsley unable to throw anything but fastballs down the middle, Joe Torre will call on Randy Wolf to lead the Dodgers in game 1. The only confidence this brings LA fans is that Wolf is left handed and the Cardinals seem befuddled by these types of people this season. This will be a close series if the Dodgers take game 1. However if they lose home field advantage you can buy tickets for St. Louis in the League Championship series.

Baseball Bits

2009-10-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

We are at that funky time of the season where a lot does not matter. Most teams are locked into early winter breaks or about to make a run at a World Series title. There may be a nice race in Minnesota/Detroit but since neither is representing the American League in late October let’s just ignore them completely:

Kip Wells the Human Pitching Machine

Kip Wells finally got the Cardinals back on track today, too bad he pitches for the Reds. Both he and reliever Micah Owings combined to give up nine runs in a little over four innings. I don’t know what it takes to be a pitcher in Cincinnati but I am pretty sure the prerequisites consist of an ERA above five and a penchant to throw the ball over the plate.

Chris Carpenter chimed in with six RBI’s including a grand slam off of Wells in the 2nd inning. Troy Glaus got into the mix with his first RBI this season. Yes, the Cardinals starting pitcher and fresh off the DL third baseman combined for 8 RBI’s today off what the Red’s are calling pitchers now-a-days. I am seriously considering hiring Kip Wells to throw me batting practice when I am having a bad day. I hear he might be available soon.

At least they aren’t the Orioles

The Mets will be damned if they have anyone healthy to end the season. Jose Reyes was threatening to end September with a fully healed hamstring. The Mets staff quickly nipped that in the bud and ran Reyes in practice until he was good and re-injured. He is now out for the remainder of the season, all three games. Most would have opted to sit Reyes down and avoid pesky distractions the offseason can bring like surgery on an injured hamstring. Such is not the way of the Mets. This news was followed by the revelation that ticket prices for the Mets will be down 20% next year. I feel this was necessitated by the fact that their best players this year were Angel Pagan and Luis Castillo. You can’t charge big league prices when best and healthiest mean the exact same thing in your organization.

Any day now

I have a sneaking suspicion that the Dodgers believe the National League will clinch itself. Watching Mark Loretta try to field a ball last night, I could come to no other conclusion. Much like Manny running down a routine fly ball in left field, the Dodgers will make clinching their division look as hard as possible. I don’t like Los Angeles’ chances after that as their rotation has looked surprisingly like the quality staff of arms they have over there in Cincinnati.

A Call to American Footie Fans

2009-07-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

I was lucky enough to attend the recent friendly match pitting Chelsea against Inter-Milan. I had a great time. I was able to see my favorite team without traveling on a plane for more than ten hours. While I enjoyed myself, most around me feigned interest and became anxious in the "uneventful" parts of the game. Shouts of "shoot the ball" came as forwards held the ball well outside the box. I became quite aware then that Soccer has an uphill battle to become one of the bigger sports in America.

Soccer like any sport can be painstaking at times. An ex-hater of soccer I understand why. There is too much nuance to witness. Fans of soccer get excited about a well executed pass or a well received ball. These are not things easily measured. American sports fans want to see results and they want them in number form.

People want to know that someone got a hit, or a sack, or ran for ten yards and got a first down. Soccer may just be too abstract a concept for some of us right now. We tend to ignore the finer, less obvious things in this country. We eat at restaurants and order meals without any thought of the preparation that went into it. This is what a good portion of the 90 minutes of a soccer match is, preparation. What European fans seem to enjoy and what may be lost on all of us is that sometimes the means can be just as enjoyable as the end.

ESPN can show highlight goals to entice viewers of SportsCenter. Eventually though, American fans will have to change the way they take their sports if they are to enjoy the beautiful game. We will be a better sports nation for it.

Bits of Tid IV

2009-07-21T14:27:00.000-07:00

SICK

Sometimes I come across something that for lack of a better term is just sick. Redskins WR Keith Eloi simply astonishes with his ability to jump. It usually takes me a few moments to wade myself out of a pool. Eloi can do it in a split second, from a standing position, in three feet of water.

Now if that wasn't crazy, ill, stupid, dope, enough, Eloi takes a crack at getting into the bed of a truck, from a standing position, surrounded by hype men. This clip actually surfaced before the pool clip. Jarron Gilbert (Bears) was the first to jump out of a pool and Eloi wanted to one up him.

Please note that he jumped into the bed of a truck with sandals on. Rest assured that anytime I have sandals on I will not be attempting amazing physical feats.

10 PREMATURE CELEBRATIONS

Maybe your Friday is not going so well. It could be worse.

ALL-TIME BASEBALL MOVIE LINEUP

Lineup
CF Willie Mays Hayes
C Dottie Hinson
SS Marla Hooch
RF Roy Hobbes
LF Pedro Cerano/Max 'Hammer' Dubois
1B Jack Elliot
2B Michael 'Squints' Palledorous
3B Roger Dorn
Pitcher Spot

Rote
Henry Rowengartner
Billy Chapel
Eddie Harris
Kit Keller
Kenny DeNunez

CL
Rick Vaughn

All in all a substantial OBP team. I have Hayes getting on base at a regular clip. He gives pitchers headaches with his speed and tenacity. Hinson is a power hitting righty with a good eye. Her ability to lay off the high ones should allow for more RBI's for our 3-4-5 hitters. Here is where there is some controversy. Both Roy Hobbes and Marla Hooch are natural left handed sweet swingers. I figure the fact that Hooch can switch hit gives us a little leeway at the third position.

My fifth and sixth hitters give me trouble during the season as both Cerrano and Jack Elliot go through dry spells where they can't hit the breaking stuff. The only caveat is when Pedro Cerrano is actually playing 'Hammer' Dubois of the Chunichi Dragons, then he is just solid all around. I just hate that I never know what Dennis Haysbert I am getting before the game you know? Seven and Eight spots go to my defensive specialists. If they get on the base paths well that's just icing on the cake and a real problem for the opposition.

The pitching rotation is just stacked. I have an ace that will consistently throw over 100 m.p.h. in Henry Rowengartner. More than that, I am blessed with some solid vets to show him the way. Billy Chapel has one last year left in him and Harris is best described as crafty. My only problem is Kit Keller who can be a real bitch sometimes especially when she gets traded and her big sister loses the game for the Rockford Peaches on purpose just to satisfy her little sister's humongous ego. What a fuc... Well I digress.

There you have it. Solid!

Laker Bandwagon Getting Full

2009-06-04T11:49:00.000-07:00

All Aboard

The NBA playoffs are a lot like pregnancy. You are excited at first then after nine months you just want to get it over with. The interim is spent on the couch being all gassy.

What some sports would consider the length of a regular season, the NBA considers brief enough for a post season. And here we are at the tail end of it. After 40 games in 40 nights we now have two teams vying for the trophy.

Try as ESPN might to pit this as a Kobe vs. Dwight series, the crucial battle will come down to Lamar/Ariza vs. Turkoglu/Lewis. I guess I could go on spouting statistics and predictions, but I am little irked today.

You see whenever the Lakers make it deep in the playoffs, fair weather fans come out of the woodwork to glom onto the party train. It starts innocent enough, a Laker flag here and a mention of Kobe there. Sure we can all take pride in in DJ Mbenga's disproportionately small head. And yes we can all bask in the glory of Kobe's farts. But it ain't all gravy. Being a complete dork of a fan, I watch all season and revel in both the good and the outright stinky.

Most bandwagoners fail to realize that a little over two years ago Kobe Bryant was determined to run Andrew Bynum out of town. Purple and Gold morale was at an untimely low. The Lakers looked more like the pack that ran with Del Harris then those that capped off a three peat of titles earlier in the decade. There were no tacos at the end of games. A sigh and sense of a relief were our only reward.

Then it all started to come together. That Bynum kid was alright. The Lakers got some momentum going and a playoff berth seemed inevitable. Then tragedy hit. You don't know what it feels like when your young center goes down twice, in the same month, in consecutive years, to the same team. You feel jinxed, You feel doomed.

Then like a spanish Jesus Pau came to save the day. The he ruined the party by getting dunked on frequently in the finals last year. Look, you haven't spent game after game yelling at Lamar Odom for being a no show, then applauding his immense talent, in the same game! Maybe you have witnessed Pau and his offensive prowess. But I know you bandwagoners look away when he diminishes on the defensive end. I do not. I take it all in; every basket, every tech, every 20 point blow out, every 20 point drubbing.

So please forgive me if become a little annoyed at the person on the street wearing a Laker shirt today when yesterday they didn't know when the Finals started. I'm not saying you have to wear purple everyday, just be able to name the last second-round draft pick to start a playoff game for the Lakers. That will do.

There they are folks. They range in intimidation factor from hardened criminal to IT administrative assistant. Let's have fun!

Becoming a Fan

2009-05-06T14:03:00.000-07:00

I've been a soccer fan for a few years now and have followed Chelsea for that same amount of time. I have always considered myself one of the Chelsea faithful but have not been so convinced of that fact until today.

Growing up around sports I find it is easy to follow your team when the going is good and the wins are easy. Living in L.A. I may have become a Dodgers and Lakers fan regardless of winning percentage. But the fact that my developmental years were spent watching around the back passes from Magic to Worthy and shutout innings being thrown by Orel Hershiser made it easier to fall in love with those teams.

Yet you never feel quite complete as a fan until your team loses a big game. You never truly understand what the rooting did to you emotionally and physically. You back a team through the thick and stick with them through the thin because that is your conviction and that is who you choose to trust. When the people you trust break your heart you know you are invested for life.

I remember 1989 and the Piston's sweep of the Lakers in the finals. Being nine at the time I don't mind telling you I cried that night. I remember the ineptitude of the early ninety Dodgers teams. They had me holding onto the dream that we could repeat the miracle of '88.

At almost thirty years old, I had the same experience yet again. Nil-nil going into today's second leg semi-final, Chelsea lost in injury time to Barcelona. They finished ninety minutes as the assured finalists in this years Champions League final match. They came within a minute and a half of completing something worthwhile to a lackluster season. As does happen so often in sport. The unexpected happenened.

Barcelona scored with little time left in injury time allowing them to go ahead in the tie breaker scenario. When Iniesta connected with the ball my heartbroke. In so many of these events in my life. I know when the inevitable is about to happen. As the ball swept passed Cech's outstretched arm I buried my head in my hands in disgust.

I can take refuge in the fact that I am part of a faithful of Chelsea fan that felt the same way today. I can take soalce in the fact that we will have no alternative but wait until next season to root again. I can take pride in the fact that there is nothing more I can do about the pain. I am a Chelsea fan after all.

Weekend Tacos

2009-05-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

A Saturday so filled with amazing sport is usually saved for late March. Though in May, tomorrow should give us ample opportunity to sit on the couch and not move for three or ten hours. So here are the top three tacos to watch Saturday, complete with which method of drink you should be pounding.

135th Kentucky Derby
The main race should be around 3PST. So my morning may consist of looking for ingredients for my mint julep and a very large hat. This may be a tight one as there are no clear cut favorites this time around. The early favorite is 'I want Revenge' who is now going off at 3-1. The most interesting horse is the colt 'Pioneer of the Nile.' He has the strength and longevity to finish but has only been a turf or synthetic surface horse until now. If he transitions to dirt well he may be near the top at the turn.

What to drink
Mint Julep There is something sophisticated yet down home about a mint julep. In fact its the only cocktail that you can sip while wearning boxers and no shirt and still be snooty about it.

The Game Seven to end all Game Sevens
Ever since Game six between the Boston Celtics and the Chicago Bulls occurred every sports pundit has touted this series as the greatest thing to happen since late night spaghetti bowls before bed. It has been a great series. But the fact remains that the winner will still lose to Cleveland eventually. However, because almost every game this series has been a close, hard hitting, controversy inducing match up, I will not miss seven. Well at least not the fourth quarter.

What to Drink
Because of the location, you have to go Sam Adams. By now you should have a euphoric feeling of malaise. It's ok tomorrow is Sunday and you have nothing to do.

Pacquiao v. Hatton
Last time I saw Pacquiao fighting he was beating up a poor old Mexican lady. No one seemed to care either. They just allowed the Phillipino pugilist to land blow after blow on the defenseless Oscar Dela Hoya. It was a scary sight but I couldn't divert my eyes. PacMan's complete beat down on Dela Hoya illustrated his veracity at pretty much any weight class. I would be ready to bet the farm on his ability to dismantle Hatton if it weren't for Floyd Mayweather Sr. and his dedication to defense. Hatton has always been a puncher that would come at you and worry about the repercussions later. Having a stiff chin and deft swing allows that. However, this fight is different. Pacquaio can fly around the ring and will most assuredly get his punches in. If Hatton learned to dodge this late in his career this may just be better than the beating of an old Mexican I saw last year.

What to Drink
San Miguel or Guinness - Then take a nap.

Yankees to sign Lord and Savior

2008-12-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

New York, New York
by Gabriel Zaldivar

It seems the rich just keep getting richer. It looks as though the New York Yankees will have the aid of yet another veteran journeyman. Jesus Christ of heaven has reportedly signed a seven-year, 180 million dollar contract.

Jesus "el saviorrrr" Christ has been a symbol of peace and goodwill for over 2,000 years. On the recent move Jesus relayed "It sorta just fell into place you know? I never really wanted to play in New York with all the hustle and bustle but come on 180 mil?"

Some critics see the acquisition as yet further evidence to the Yankees evil empire stature. Boston native, Red Sox fan, and all-around nice guy Jimmy Durantes was quoted as saying, "Jesus (expletive deleted), I don't (expletive deleted) what he or any other (expletive deleted) at your (expletive deleted) mother," which pretty much sums up the feelings across the nation.

Yankees GM Brian Cashman seemed thoroughly pleased with his signing. It seems, however, that their pursuit of high priced talent may not be over, "We like Jesus. So we got Jesus. But we are always looking to bolster our lineup. We have been talking to the likes of Buddha, Muhammad, and whomever the Jews have been waiting around for. As the GM of the Yankees it really is my job to sign everyone in the whole entire universe!"

Jesus Christ is expected to make his first press conference on Monday. "You know I rest on Sunday, so I'll see you all after the weekend. I can't wait to put on the famed uniform...not to be an asshole but I look pretty good in pinstripes." Yes you do Jesus, Yes you do.

De La Hoya v. Pacquiao

2008-12-05T12:28:00.000-08:00

I remember growing up and watching fights with my dad. The family would gather around and eat pizza and watch artistic pugilists enact a time honored sport. However, the amount of fights that garnered my father's will to purchase pay-per-view grew less and less. Sadly, my will to sit around and watch TV while eating has only grown.

Boxing is a dying sport. It would be easy to defer blame to MMA and it's growth in the past decade. This would ignore the fact that Boxing has been in decline for a number of years. Most attribute this to two glaring inadequacies in the boxing arena.

1) Less quality fighters are born and raised in America. There are currently no American heavyweight title holders. This is the class that once sold tickets and pay-per-views with ease. Marketing a title belt between a Russian and Nigerian presents a marketing nightmare, unless you are going for the eastern european/ fly swatting demographic.

2) There are too many belts and too little talent. Currently there are four roundly recognized boxing organizations that present titles. The WBO, IBF, WBC, and WBA create such a problem to unified acceptance of relevance that fighters would rather chase a big pay day than a title shot. In this regard modern boxing has become a giant game of Pokemon.

What to look for...

Pacquiao has never fought above 135. Going up a notch takes some sting away from your punches and tends to make solid chins a little less so.

De la Hoya tends to get lulled to sleep when he has to chase a fighter, so it goes without saying that Pacquiao's up close fight style could run detriment to the Filipino. He will be inside with speed but very susceptible to a jab that has been absent from De la Hoya's more recent fights.

Many think this will be something of a a show as both fighters will initiate contact. You never can tell though.

The fight against Floyd Mayweather Jr. was supposed to be this century's first great one. It turned out to be a strategic snooze fest. Not many realize this but that fight actually ended after I passed out from a mysterious Coor's Light sickness. Friendly advice, do not play a drinking game which entails drinking whenever Larry Merchant says something either stoopid or borderline retarded.

Bits of Tid III

2008-12-05T11:08:00.000-08:00

Just Say No

I love sports. I love athletes. I want to meet athletes. However, if a present or former NFL player ever asks you to hang out, just say no. It has become blatantly obvious to me that NFL players are the rootinest, tootinest people on earth. When they aren't shooting people, dogs, or drugs, they are shooting themselves. So as you enter the weekend, remember to have fun. But most importantly remember, if you see a NFL player, past or present, go home. Some stuff is about to occur.

Keep Your Day Job

After Nordberg was sentenced today, every news organization rushed to give the waiting public some semblance of years that would be served. What became clear was the fact that news organizations are not good with numbers. Three hours later I am still unable to decipher just how long Nordberg will be serving time in jail for beating up Rodney King. All I know is Naked Gun was an awesome trilogy and O.J. can kidnap me anytime. Well at least when he gets out in five, or six, or fifteen, or sixteen, or 33 years.

Holidays!

As the holiday season progresses and the wintry temperature in L.A. dips well below 80 degrees I become entranced in what is soon to be. My predictions for the next couple weeks:

I will gain weight and not realize it until I fall asleep one day from "too many cookies."

America's team, The Dallas Cowboys, will fail to make the playoffs as a special pre-Christmas gift to those Americans that never ever considered this team to be "America's team."

I will wish I had more Mexican friends to watch holiday soccer with.

Manny Ramirez will sign with the Anaheim Angels as the Dodgers look to over pay for someone past their prime.

My readership will jump to two as I decide to read my own blogs.

Baseball Lunacy

2008-09-29T16:15:00.000-07:00

As MLB playoffs kickoff, I would like to say fare thee well to the regular season. You see sometime around February I start to feel a little restless about going to see live baseball. The food, the sounds, the smells, the game itself; these are all things I look forward to.

There are of course various idiosyncrasies I could do without. So it is now that I take a look at the various items Major League Baseball must address before next season.

The Beach Ball

If walking down the street I am hit in the head with a beach ball I am usually surprised and annoyed. If I am at a baseball game I widely expect that I will not only have a beach ball in my proximity but human adults will climb over seats and people to try and hit it. The beach ball itself does not bother me. It is the look in the eye of a grown man hitting a beach ball at a live event. The shear joy and amazement in their face should really only be enjoyed by a five year old catching a soap bubble on their nose.

Audience Depth Perception

This is my favorite. Anytime there is a fly ball to any part of the outfield, the majority of the paid attendance stands up and expects a home run. A routine pop up is always followed by a surprised sigh from the crowd. Did our ability to tell the flight of a spherical object get taken at the gate? Please in the future, make note of the outfielders for home run potential. Just a hint.

The Wave

When I was a little boy I used to like seeing 'The Wave.' It was awesome to see so many people unify and perform one. I also thought The Lost Boys was a sensational movie so taste really was not my strong suit.

Has no one but me tired of 'The Wave?' It really does nothing for me now. I think around age 10 I lost the whole "Wow, that really looks like a wave" feeling. Now when there is wave I can be assured that I will miss either a double play, strikeout, double, or something of note just because the guy in front of me stands up at a crucial time.

I guess what I am wondering is how we regress 40 IQ points the minute we enter the stadium gates. Logic and good sense go out the window. Going to see baseball game takes an extreme amount of self convincing in various areas. I have to disregard the idiocy of paying $15 for three hours of parking, $10 bucks for a domestic beer, and then being forced to pee in a urinal trough like I was a barn animal. But all in all, I will do it. Because in a month, baseball will be gone. A month later I will forget all about the crowd peccadilloes and will be filled with a yearning for another season. Here is to that feeling.

Favre TEXT message

2008-07-08T15:55:00.000-07:00

ESPN reported today that Brett Favre texted Green Bay Packers GM Ted Thompson in regards to his retirement. It seems as though Favre (pronounced farv) really, really, wants to play. So he decided to hit up Thompson (pronounced thps) on his celly. Well it turns out that we here at Blog Sport have just received the actual text messages sent back and forth betwixt the two.

7/7/08
Favre: OMG I WANT TO QB NXT YR PLS
Thompson: WTF DONT DO THIS
Favre: IM SORRY I LEFT NOT MY BAD
Thompson: U MAD UP UR MIND U SAID WE WERE DUNSOS
Favre: U NO HOW I GET LOL?
Thompson: WE CANT DO THIS
Thompson: THIS IS GETTING WEIRD I HAVE A-ROG NOW
Favre: IS IT BETTER?
Thompson: DONT
Favre: LOL - NO SERIOUS IS IT BETTER
Thompson: ITS JUST DIFFERNT
Favre: TAKE ME BACK PLS XOXOXOO
Thompson: WE STILL TALKING ABOUT QBing RT?
Favre: 4 SURE ;)

7/8/08
Favre: MAD?
Thompson: hw cn i B?
Favre: U don't need AARON u need ME
Thompson: U CANT KEEP DOING THIS!!!
Favre: Sorry member XXXI?
Thompson: WAT M I GOING TO DO WIT U
Thompson: PINKY SWEARS U WILL NEVER LEAVE
Favre: i feel like i never did 143
Thompson: 143

-END-

He Don't Need No Stinking Badges

2008-06-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

“Since I suffered the injury on company time, why shouldn't I also be able to get surgery and do recovery on company time?” - Shaquille O'Neal

ESPN is reporting that Shaquille O'Neal will be forced to return another badge. This time to Bedford Virginia, yes they do not have an NBA team. However, I don't want to write about Shaq the player or even Shaq the individual. But since you asked, the individual is funny, the player is fat and lazy.

Shaq should have been THE greatest center of all time. Instead he has cashed it in year after year and relied on his mass and bulk down low. He was explosive and quick but could have been so much more. When it is all done he will be enshrined in the Hall of Fame. But I have toi ask. How can a guy that good never lead the league in points, rebounds, or blocks in a season? I don't know. I told you I am not gonna write about it.

What I am really interested in is badges, nice shiny Sheriff ones. I myself once wanted to be a cop like my dad. But there was only one way to do it back in the day. You went to the academy, worked hard and graduated.

Now there is another way. It may seem a little more convoluted than the earlier method but this one has a little more moxie:

First get drafted to an NBA team. One that is fairly underwhelming at the time. Proceed to get the to the NBA Finals and lose. Now this next step is important.

Will the future Hall of Famer plesase step forward.

Not so fast Mr. Hardaway.

Leave that team. Get some fresh air. Make some movies. Record some albums. Now win championships on a new team, a couple, no three. Make sure to speak ill of your past teammate and co-star. Proceed to waive necessary surgery in the summer and save it for the start of the season. Be sure to come back more bloated for every new season. Now. Leave this team, demand it if you have to.

Still on my Netflix queue.

Go to a different team, somewhere similar to your last town but a little more humid and less culturally significant. Make sure to speak ill of your last city and your past teammates. Proceed to workout in the off season to win a title. A novel idea that could have been used in your past ventures, but never mind that now. It might be impressive if you get tired toward the end of this season and willingly pass the team off to a new up and comer. Win title.

Now get fat again.

Now demand a trade again.

Get traded to #1 team in Western Conference.

WE WERE #1, WE WERE #1

Help new team move steadily down the ladder of Western Conference. Lose in first round...repeat as necessary. As long as you follow these steps you will find your self with multiple Sheriff badges all over the greater United States.

One measuring stick of a great teammate is the lack of geographical movement in his career. Look at Favre, Tony Gwynn, Montana, etc. O'Neal has been traded and dealt a great deal for someone with his talent at such a valued position. Sure Kobe is egotistical and power hungry. The only thing I cared about is his work ethic. But Shaq gets a free pass. He always has.

In his Laker walk year, he dunked a ball in training camp ran up the floor and yelled for Jerry Buss to "pay me mother------."

The Lakers did pay him, at least they tried to. He rejected their offer to be the highest paid player and essentially painted Los Angeles into a corner.

So he left. Traded. Laker fans killed Kobe for it. Yet many in Los Angeles don't give Shaq the same scrutiny. He not only lambasted Kobe when leaving L.A. he threw the whole city and their fans under the bus. In relating to Los Angeles he stated "real, real fake. This (Miami) is a more real place." Yes Shaq, Miami has never been known as little Los Angeles. Things are much different there.

He has done this multiple times. Most recently ripping on Miami when traded to the Suns. In both cases his former employer sent him to warm weather and teams in contention giving him no reason to whine.

True, Shaq can make me laugh. The way he makes new monikers for himself is quite astounding. I just didn't think it was so unbelievable as to get him a free pass for so long. His latest transgression may have been blown a little out of proportion, but it is symptomatic of his career. Shaquille has never been the bigger man.

The Boston Massacre

2008-06-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

"It's humbling" - Lamar Odom

"It's a great run, we came up short" - Lamar Odom

"Are there any more chicken wings?" - Gabe Zaldivar

Now that I have had a few hours to digest the complete and utter Boston tea bagging we received, I am here to tell you what's next. Nothing. Bill Plashke and J.A. Adande seem to think moves must be taken to solidify our chance to win it all next year. That's a bit knee jerk, don't you think?

Last year we lost in the first round to the highly touted Phoenix Suns. With basically the same cast of characters, we made it to the sixth game of the NBA Finals. Please don't tell me we did so because of Pau Gasol. His dramatic exit from the series around game 1 has me thinking refund for the six pack of beer we got him for.

However, if you think the acquisition of Pau allowed for the real Lamar Odom to show up at the end of the season, imagine what Lamar et. al. can do with the presence of Andrew Bynum. Anything we can salvage from Bynum at this point is gravy. We went 6 games against a team housing three potential hall of famers and our solution is to jump ship. I find it hard to believe that Mitch Kupchak was stubborn enough to keep this team together when they were losing but will move vital parts after getting so close.

Can we recognize what a summer does for people. Jordan Farmar became a shooter, Sasha became a real scoring threat, and I gained more weight.

As for last night however...

Awful. It was a heightened illustration of what I knew all series. The Lakers were happy to be there. You could see it in the celebration after winning the western conference finals. They knew how good they were at the moment and what to celebrate. Boston was much more reserved after they took care of Detroit. They also happened to be much more poised throughout the series.

Except for Game 3, Boston was always the aggressor. They played like they were on the ropes. They played like they knew what was at stake. I just never felt the 07-08 Lakers deserved to win. But the 08-09 squad will be hungry.

How could they not be? The Celtics had an appetizer of celebration before the game was done. I don't know how big the bench area is but the there were kids and wives and still room for Pierce to disco dance. Then there was the Gatorade wash that necessitated Phil Jackson to call a time out. Granted classless, but the Lakers did not deserve to be treated with dignity last night. It was like the Celtics were sleeping with my grandmother and making me hive five them while doing it. I couldn't turn away. But I also couldn't stomach it either.

Here is to hoping the Lakers have the same bad taste in their mouths.

Tacos!

Game 6

2008-06-17T11:40:00.000-07:00

It seems many in the media have seen fit to crown the Boston Celtics as champions. Just as Jack Kent Cooke filled the rafters with balloons and jinxed the Lakers out of a Finals berth in 1969, so too will certain Boston fans as they plan parade routes. Many have lost the fact that a game 6 will be played. No matter what, Tuesday night happens. This favors Los Angeles. A team that is playing to stay alive is dangerous.

Game 1

Neither team has played like champions thus far. Game 1 was a split for both teams, Los Angeles handled their end in the first half and Boston simply closed it out. Celtic fans also rejoiced the fact that Paul Pierce has some sort of regenerative powers not normally seen on this planet. We can only thank god that Eight Belles' trainers weren't nearby to take action.

Here we have Mr. Pierce suffering what seems to be a combination of gunshot wounds and his water breaking. After being wheeled off in a wheelchair, a device used for people that cannot walk, he mended in the wolverine time of ten minutes. Unfathomably he is the best player so far and will undoubtedly receive the MVP award if Boston closes this out.

I'm not saying he is faking, I'm just saying I would like some of whatever they are shooting him up with...or he is faking.

Game 2

Well the Lakers almost overcame a 24 point deficit on the road. It would have been a magical night and the series would have been most likely over by now. I remember thinking that I would never see a come back like that for some time. Life is funny sometimes.

Game 3

L.A. gets on the board. It wasn't pretty or flashy or dominant. But it works.

Game 4

There has been some speculation as to whether game 4 actually occurred. I am in the school of thought that it could not have existed if you do not refer to it.

Game 5

Another sloppy win. Neither team seemed to really want this one. Bad fouls and porous defense on both ends turned this into a street game.

My main beef with the series is how ho-hum it all is. Does anyone feel this magical rivalry we were all promised? After both teams clinched I was lead to believe all would be right with world. Instead we get a series where players cannot pump their fists for worry of a technical. David Stern has done extremely well in making the NBA the blandest of the top American sports. Kobe can't clear out, KG can't argue, players can't jaw at each other. I feel for the little kids that think this is all exciting. I can still remember when the NBA was a contact sport.

To the referees tonight, swallow your whistles. Better yet, how about call a foul only when one occurs.

To ABC analysts and commentators, can you please get on the referees. Game 5 included KG getting his 4th foul for blocking a Laker player. The replay showed it was an obvious bad call but Jeff Van Gundy decided to thrash KG for making an ill advised play.

Yes we have now come to a state in this sport where a player is admonished for making a great defensive play when the official gets the call wrong and penalizes him for it. This would never happen in the NFL or MLB.

Lastly, I, like ABC, would love to see a game 7. It gives me an excuse to drink copious amounts of liquor during the week without it being a social problem.

Oh and Boston, It's "Beat LA" NOT "Gotta Beat LA." I know it has been a while since your team mattered, but get it right.

Tacos!

Super Bowl of Football, Rather Futbol, I mean Soccer

2008-05-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday one of the most watched sporting events will take place and the great majority of Americans will not notice. The UEFA Champions League final will be played tomorrow pitting Premiership powerhouses Chelsea and Manchester United against each other. This will mark the first time that two English teams will meet in the final match. The past couple years have audiences for the match rivaling and in some cases surpassing the Super Bowl.

However, while most of the world is bathing jubilantly in beer, Americans will be caught up in heated debates over which David is a better karaoke singer. Where did we go wrong? How have we, a nation in love with sports, not embraced the most beautiful of sports?

Well, we are also a nation in love with stuff. Lots of stuff. We have 30-packs of beer for sale and jumbo size bags of chips and super size fries and extra strength Tylenol and so on. We have forgotten to take a step back and look at the journey of things. We are captivated too many times by the score rather than the method the athlete took to score.

Therein lies the conundrum for soccer fans in the U.S. How do you prove to Americans that soccer can live and thrive here in the states.? How do you illustrate the awe that is inspired by a ball kicked 50 yards pleasantly curving through the air to finish precisely on the chest of a teammate? How can you make it seem relevant to an NBA fan who watches players perform the same slam dunks year in and year out at the Slam Dunk Contest? How do you explain the exhilaration one feels from watching goals almost scored at the post? This will prove difficult, especially to a nation that has had to change their favorite game of NFL football several times through the ages precisely to incite higher scores.

Soccer is a game of hope and patience. Two teams step on the pitch for ninety minutes and methodically pick and choose their chances to strike. There are no commercial breaks and no timeouts. One would be foolish to leave for a beer run during the half, for a goal can come in an instant. And then it is gone. The goal has passed. It is on to the journey again. That is where soccer fans truly live. I hope American fans can someday appreciate the nuances that make "the beautiful game" so much fun.

Bits of Tid II

2008-05-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

Farewell to a Former Florida Marlin
Mike Piazza announced his retirement today. I, like many of you, exclaimed, "was Mike Piazza still playing?" Well the answer was and shall now remain a resounding no. It seems Piazza was floating in the murky waters of this year's free agent pool hoping to be picked up. I guess it took a little over a month for Mike to take the hint. His announcement, though unsurprising, does allow us ample opportunity to honor one of the game's more prolific offensive catchers.

Awesome
Jose Canseco proved once again that he probably shouldn't be raising himself. News surfaced that the one time Oakland A's outfielder is now considering a life as a boxer. In fact he will not be training as an up and comer but will instead take the path less traveled and become an instant washed up has been. The fight is scheduled for July 21st with the challenger picking up a purse of $5,000. With the fight taking place in an Atlantic City Independent baseball stadium, it is a shame no one will see the event. I do enjoy uncomfortable social situations.

Bizarkizley
News surfaced today that Charles Barkley paid the $400,000 he owed the Wynn Casino. The prosecutor's fee of $40,000 was still outstanding. Barkley assured he would pay the fee immediately and admitted he was caught unaware of the charge.

In other news it was a really slow sports news day.

What To Look For This Weekend

2008-05-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

Lakers vs. Jazz - Game 6
NBA PLAYOFFS DAY 164 - This series has been marked by the emergence of Deron Williams as a major player in the NBA. After a very quiet 14 and 9 in game one, Williams has given the Jazz a very real chance to send this series to a seventh game. They will need a lot more out of Boozer who has been relatively harmless most of this series.

The real story for game six is how, if at all, the Lakers can diminish the home court advantage. This series has really brought to light just how bad Jazz fans can be at times. In fact, Raider fans think Jazz fans are out of line. The one thing I have taken from this series is never get thousands of Mormons together. It usually ends in vile racist cheering and unexpected polygamy.

Celtics vs. Cavaliers
How dare you insinuate that the Boston Celtics were over marketed as the second coming of the Larry Bird era. A great team has to win on the road. Look for Boston to win tonight though as Boobie Gibson is out with a separated shoulder. When a team with only a few weapons is missing their biggest perimeter weapon, it's uh, it's bad.

Spurs vs. Hornets
This game should really be on Sunday, but instead it's on Monday. It's on Monday because more people will watch a game 7 on Monday than Sunday. Also the NBA will not rest until it eats itself alive.

Look for Hornets fans to whine about the hard foul David West received from Tim Duncan. The constant crying from NBA fans about these hard fouls their stars receive begs the question, when did the NBA cease as a contact sport?

INTER-LEAGUE YAY!
MLB officially gets a semi every year around this time. Yes, it's time for inter-league play. Heated rivals will play this weekend. Look for exciting match ups like Yankees/Mets or Dodgers/Angels or better yet, Nationals/Orioles. WOO HOO!

On second thought, this time of year is more a glaring slap in the pecker of how outdated the DH rule is. I think it is completely fair that the Yankees will DH the likes of Hideki Matsui and the Mets are left with Endy Chavez. But at least I can die now and say I saw the Padres and Mariners play.

Horsin' Around
See what I did there. Well, I am obviously talking Preakness. The second leg of the Triple Crown is this Saturday. I can't wait to watch little Latin men ride horses for two minutes. If this is anything like the Kentucky Derby and you love horses, please do not stick around after the race. Things get...a little weird.

Bits of Tid

2008-04-29T14:55:00.000-07:00

Giants shore up their bullpen

Let me lead off with Barry Zito in our "fallen" heroes section. Barry Zito was demoted to reliever status this week. We can now finally say that the Giants paid $126 million for the likes of Mark Hendrickson. Wait, no, Hendrickson can still throw a fast ball. Zito called this "a bump in the road." He failed to accurately describe it as a huge fucking mountain like bump. At least he has a few more innings to play his guitar. Can we all just go back to that magical day the giants signed their Cy Young award winning mop up guy?

I wouldn't be surprised if Brian Sabean was in talks with Mike Hampton to fill the role left by Zito.

Please Sit Down

Carlos Delgado was apathetically addressing claims that he straight dissed the fans on Monday night. You see Charles doesn't see fit to come out and wave his little hat to fans unless something spectacular happens. Well the fact that you got two hits on Monday and they were both home runs is reason for celebration. In fact, I believe they should have stopped the game and brought out the podium for a proper ovation. Delgado does have a sense of humor. In reacting to proper ovation etiquette, “Am I going to stay out there until they start booing?” He failed to add, "like tomorrow when I go 0 for 5."

Little Lady Killer

Speaking of once great athletes, Roger Clemens is in more trouble this week. You see Roger had a relationship in 1998 with then 15 year old Mindy McCready. He claims that he just wanted to befriend this sweet karaoke singer. Why would you want to be a friend to a 15 year old girl? What engaging conversations could you possibly have had with your new bff? Did your Red Sox teammate really allow you to hit on a 15-year old?

Well the deal didn't work out for poor old Mindy as she went on to marry a wife beater and did a lot of drugs. This comes as no surprise as I probably would be addicted to a lot of things if Roger Clemens was inside me when I was a teenager. In fact I would probably look a lot like this...

Yes, this is indeed Mindy McCready

Play Dead

In this week's edition of I saw that coming, Pat Riley retires again from coaching. He was quoted as saying "I'm excited about today and moving forward and building this franchise back to where we can be proud of it." He failed to include, "until we get to a place where we are good enough to make a run at the finals, in which case I will fire whatever coach we have and take over." This douchebag is renowned for overworking his players yet fold whenever he is in dire circumstances.

At the end of this abysmal season he stepped away from the Heat bench to go on scouting trips. Isn't that what scouts are for? Long trips away from the headache you made is just the way to flourish your hall of fame image.

Mr. Tejada I Presume?

2008-04-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

Well I may be a little late to the Miggie party but I wanted to chime in on the peculiarity. Not only did the bomb drop last week that Miguel Tejada is in fact 33 and not 31, but he isn't even Miguel Tejada. Who did the Houston Astros sign? Well, none other than Miguel Tejeda.

Well I ask you as an astute observer, Where do the lies stop? It may be that Mr. Tejeda may have lied about taking steroids. I now don't know what or who to believe. What if Miguel Tejada doesn't even play shortstop. What then? What if it turns out he isn't even Dominican? My god, what if it turns out that Miguel Tejada is left handed Mexican hitter Karim Garcia?
Think about it. Karim Garcia was supposed to be the best thing to come out of Mexico since ponchos and diarrhea. But he never amounted to a hill of pinto beans. Have you ever noticed that Miguel Tejada/Tejeda and Karim Garcia never played at that same time? Me neither. I never bothered to notice. Perhaps Miguel "Karim Garcia" Tejada/Tejeda wanted it that way. Think about it. When is a left handed slugger who can't hit that ball not a left handed slugger who can't hit the ball? Exactly.

Playoffs!!!

2008-04-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

So the 2007-2008 NBA season is in the books. The great thing about the NBA playoffs is that when they finish it's time to do my Christmas shopping. These things are long. It's as if the NBA wants us to lose interest. A Suns-Lakers, Kobe V. Shaq, matchup would be great. If it happens it will not be for another month or so. If the finals go a full seven games these playoffs will last a full two months.

The first round starts on April 19th. If any of these go a full seven they will last till May 3rd-4th. Yes that is indeed two fucking weeks. Who is serious here? I will tell you who is serious, the NBA. They will drag out this playoff thing as long as they need to. Please take a look at the first round and join me in a genuine WTF moment. Yes most series will play their second game Monday or Tuesday and then skip 2-3 days and play on Thursday or Friday. In the case of the Lakers/Nuggets, they play game one Sunday...DO NOT TRAVEL...then play three days later on Wednesday.

The NFL plays one game a week and still manages to get to their Finals in a little over a month. Major League Baseball gets to the series in three weeks after the end of the season. And hockey, well hockey is really only celebrated by Canadians and this guy. So we will just skip them.

My main problem is that the NBA game could be so good. Perhaps if the refs swallowed their whistles, the players were slightly less bitchy, flops were non-existent, and they played maybe two games in three days. Shit did I just describe the NCAA tournament?

I know my pleas will go unheeded as my readership consists of my mom and some guy who was actually looking for asian chicks on the web and came across this fiasco. Well I will watch anyway, but I will not be happy about it. I'll see you on the other side of the playoffs. We will all be a little older, a little wiser, and very glad it is all over.

Food for Thought

2008-04-16T18:33:00.000-07:00

Juan in a Million
CNNSI had a great article today. Basically it outlined the worst free agent signings of the past few years. It got me thinking about the worst signing that almost was. After having a horrible season in 2000, the Detroit Tigers offered Juan Gonzalez an 8 year 150 million dollar contract the next year. Mr. Gonzalez, being a shrewd business man, declined the ill-advised offer. Had the honorable Juan-Gone been a human with logical decision making abilities he would have accepted and the Tigers would still be paying him. Imagine how bad the Tigers would be then. They wouldn't have Miguel "one more burrito" Cabrera or Gary "i used to hit real well huh?" Sheffield. As it is they are sitting at 4-10. Perhaps they need to look again at Juan Gonzalez. It couldn't hurt at this stage.

Barry Sucks
Barry "the one that should probably start taking steroids" Zito was recently quoted after a loss "It's just a fine line, I feel good about the way I'm throwing and have to stick with that." I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the problem is exactly the way you are pitching. Maybe pitch a little faster than 84. But good signing Sabean.

NOOOOOO!!!!
While we are at it. Jered Weaver's brother has a job now. Too bad for the Brewers that his job consists of pitching. Does anyone check resumes anymore? I would definitely double check Jeff Weaver's references. At least he only has a minor league contract. However, I would be more than happy to give up home runs for half of his $12000 a month salary.

Woo Hoo
In exciting Dodger news, Nomar has been activated. Awesome, if you need me I'll be over here rolling my eyes. Is it me or should Nomar and J.D. Drew do commercials for Blue Cross. Either way I have a strong feeling there is a nice hamstring injury due to the former batting champ soon.

An open letter to The San Francisco Giants

2008-04-07T12:36:00.000-07:00

I am a Dodgers fan. Have been all my life. This fact insinuates one blaring reality. I hate you. Well I do. But it is getting kinda hard to keep up my hatred for a team that very well may lose 100 games for the first time in their history. I want to hate you like I did when you lost in awesome fashion to the Angels in the Series. I want to mock you. But alas you take all the fun out of it.

In fact I want you to get better. I really do. Every time I boo you I feel like a bully picking on a paraplegic one armed hooker with a nasty bout of syphilis. In effect you are completely useless. I keep checking the ESPN sports wire to see if Sabean has signed on Timmy and Jimmy to run the middle of the infield.

But before you call me racist, I have a friend that is a Giants fan. He related to me that their season was really resting on Kevin Frandsen and it was tough when he went down. I will neglect to tout that fact in deference to the Giants ineptitude and instead focus on the Giants four spot slugger, Bengie Molina. The man did have a magical year last year and posted a career high 19 home runs. But I do have to believe that 19 solo shots with no one on base this year is not going to do it for the Bay Area. Can't you guys get a person from the stands to throw up some of the same numbers you put on the field. Promotion Idea? Just think about it.

Question: Is Brian Sabean choosing his team by randomly selecting baseball cards? Maybe he is trying to get the attendance so low he can move the team to Miami. Perhaps his next signings will be of the Pedro Cerrano or Tom Berenger ilk. Well I say Kudos as long as Lethal Weapon 2's Rene Russo is thrown into the mix.

I want to reach out to my friends from the foggy North. I want you to be good enough to ridicule. As it is, I kinda feel bad hating you. How about I say I don't Like you very much and we can call it at that for the season. Please get well soon.

Love,

Gabe

P.S. Go get 'em guys. YAY! YOU GUYS! All right!!!

&lt;br>

Oh to be Matt Leinart

2008-04-02T11:21:00.000-07:00

I am a little befuddled this morning and that does not happen often. Sometimes I am fuddled, actually quite often. But nonetheless, I woke up this morning with ESPN covering a story about Matt Leinart and his SHOCKING pictures. I capitalized shocking to illustrate just how shocking and dangerous his actions were.

Matt Leinart, a quarterback in the National Football League, was getting drunk with women...and having a good time. Not only was he partying. He had the nerve to look like he was having a good time. The fact remains that Mr. Leinart is a professional athlete that should be having lots of gratuitous sex with many many women especially in the off season and especially because I am not. In fact I don't care that his back up and now starting QB Kurt Warner salvaged their miserable season. Warner never let loose because he happens to be married. Married by chance to a lady I happen to be quite terrified of. My point is Kurt Warner wasted his peek years on hard work and getting it done. He should have been taking more beer bongs with bloated chicks.

I find no wrong in what Matt Leinart has done or will do. Mainly due to the fact he plays on a team in Phoenix no one really cares about. But what I really wanted to say is please, for the love of Christ, stop covering football in April. It makes no sense Sportscenter.