Things are pretty bad in Dodger land. The owners are in the middle of a heated divorce. Manny Ramirez is hurt, again. They have lost six straight and are now looking up at the top of the NL West from fourth place. If all that weren't enough. They still pay George Sherrill to come in a pitch for them. What was lost in last nights debacle is that Sherrill was the one that gave up a two run double in the ninth. He always gives up runs. That is just what he does. They could have done a lot better signing a leper to a $10 contract. Their ERA would be similar and you wouldn't have to look at a silly goatee.
In this recession how can anyone pick up a paycheck for such ineptitude. You don't see me going into my coworkers offices and just taking dumps. That's what Sherrill does. He goes out there and just poops. Then Torre has to go out and clean up after him. Its just nauseating. Well I don't blame Torre, the front office, or the like. I blame the parents. How people could raise such a lack of production is just beyond me. So please parents read to your children. If you don't they will grow up to pitch like George Sherrill.
Showing posts with label baseball. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baseball. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Ned Colletti
Today Ned Colletti, GM of the Los Angeles Dodgers, announced that he has the biggest set of balls in the world. He did this by having the gall to criticize the team and Matt Kemp for a lack of effort. He is either very stupid or is very much separated from reality because the troubles of the Dodgers rest squarely on his shoulders.
He was quoted on a Los Angeles radio show as saying “I’m not satisfied with the presentation. I’m not satisfied with execution. I’m not satisfied with the thought process of it.” How about not being satisfied with the personnel. Which is your side of the ball. The Dodgers woes are largely pitching related. The fact that Los Angeles started the season with two young as yet unproven pitchers, one malcontent, a knuckle-ball pitcher, and Hiroki Kuroda is Colletti's fault, not the players.
This is a rare time in Dodger history where a team can throw up nine runs in consecutive games and lose both those games. The Dodgers rank in the top five in the National League in major offensive categories. Yet they are in last place in the West. Perhaps it is because the Dodgers rank near the bottom in every pitching category.
Back in December, Colletti insinuated he had no monetary restrictions this off season. This leads one to believe one of two things. Either he is lying and divorce proceedings drastically cut into his staffing the rotation with arms or he is a really bad General Manager with a tiny mustache.
What about Matt Kemp? Well he certainly has been mucking it up on defense and base-running. He must be cashing it in. It would very well be prudent to question his work ethic. Unless of course his manager vouches that he shows up early to get his work in and he is currently scoring most of the runs on the team.
Matt Kemp is tied for second in the majors in home runs, tied for third in RBI, and first in runs. Granted he has made some horrible gaffs. But it may be a mental aspect of the game that someone needs to talk to him or comment about. How about Joe Torre, the manager of the team.
If the next words out of your mouth aren't "Damn I should have re-signed Randy Wolf, at the very least Jon Garland," I don't want to hear it.
He was quoted on a Los Angeles radio show as saying “I’m not satisfied with the presentation. I’m not satisfied with execution. I’m not satisfied with the thought process of it.” How about not being satisfied with the personnel. Which is your side of the ball. The Dodgers woes are largely pitching related. The fact that Los Angeles started the season with two young as yet unproven pitchers, one malcontent, a knuckle-ball pitcher, and Hiroki Kuroda is Colletti's fault, not the players.
This is a rare time in Dodger history where a team can throw up nine runs in consecutive games and lose both those games. The Dodgers rank in the top five in the National League in major offensive categories. Yet they are in last place in the West. Perhaps it is because the Dodgers rank near the bottom in every pitching category.
Back in December, Colletti insinuated he had no monetary restrictions this off season. This leads one to believe one of two things. Either he is lying and divorce proceedings drastically cut into his staffing the rotation with arms or he is a really bad General Manager with a tiny mustache.
What about Matt Kemp? Well he certainly has been mucking it up on defense and base-running. He must be cashing it in. It would very well be prudent to question his work ethic. Unless of course his manager vouches that he shows up early to get his work in and he is currently scoring most of the runs on the team.
Matt Kemp is tied for second in the majors in home runs, tied for third in RBI, and first in runs. Granted he has made some horrible gaffs. But it may be a mental aspect of the game that someone needs to talk to him or comment about. How about Joe Torre, the manager of the team.
If the next words out of your mouth aren't "Damn I should have re-signed Randy Wolf, at the very least Jon Garland," I don't want to hear it.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
World Series
Here we are, well into fall and on the precipice of possibly a classic World Series. If the Yankees win, I will find solace in that I won’t have to hear about the Yankees gaining retribution for not winning the title for a whopping 8 years. How the media plants a chip on the Yankees shoulder is beyond me. This is like Lakers fans getting miffed if there is no three-peat.
This series could be very close. This is a rare time when the National League team can match batters pound for pound with the American side. Both teams can hit the ball out of the yard when needed. The offenses are very similar with the speed going slightly to the Phillies.
Both teams have great defenses. When you look at each depth chart it really is hard to decipher who you would take between the positions. Teixeira and Howard are monsters at the plate but Tex may get the nod because of his fielding. Utley is arguably the best hitting second baseman in the majors right now, but Robinson Cano is not far behind, and is younger.
Shortstop may go to Rollins if it weren’t October, a month Jeter dominates from both sides of the ball. The only real mismatch is at 3rd base, there ARod is a hall of famer and Pedro Feliz looks good in a hat.
The one thing that may keep this from being a tight series is the pitching. Last series the Phillies were able to get past their faults in the pen by dominating the Dodgers with their starters. In this series however, they are on the short end in both starting and relief pitching. Phillies starters are ill-equipped to face a line-up like the Yankees. Save Cliff Lee, the Phillies will be sending up questionable pitchers like Cole Hamels, Joe Blanton, and for game two Pedro Martinez.
Hamels is a ghost of his 2008 self. He is neither overpowering nor fooling anyone at this stage. Joe Blanton is a fastball pitcher that likes to start a batter by throwing balls in the dirt. He will get behind in counts to a disciplined lineup and subsequently give up a long ball or two. Pedro Martinez looked good against the Dodgers, but then again Vicente Padilla looked good for a start against the Phillies.
The Phillies will most likely have to match the Yankees run for run rather than quieting their bats. Either way Charlie Manuel will have to go to the bullpen earlier in games than he would have liked. From there Chan Ho Park will remember he is Chan Ho Park. J.A. Happ will get bombed. Ryan Madson will walk batters. And Brad Lidge will either strike out the side or give up a grand slam.
This looks to be a good one, so pop open a beer, loosen the pants, and put up your feet. This may take a while.
This series could be very close. This is a rare time when the National League team can match batters pound for pound with the American side. Both teams can hit the ball out of the yard when needed. The offenses are very similar with the speed going slightly to the Phillies.
Both teams have great defenses. When you look at each depth chart it really is hard to decipher who you would take between the positions. Teixeira and Howard are monsters at the plate but Tex may get the nod because of his fielding. Utley is arguably the best hitting second baseman in the majors right now, but Robinson Cano is not far behind, and is younger.
Shortstop may go to Rollins if it weren’t October, a month Jeter dominates from both sides of the ball. The only real mismatch is at 3rd base, there ARod is a hall of famer and Pedro Feliz looks good in a hat.
The one thing that may keep this from being a tight series is the pitching. Last series the Phillies were able to get past their faults in the pen by dominating the Dodgers with their starters. In this series however, they are on the short end in both starting and relief pitching. Phillies starters are ill-equipped to face a line-up like the Yankees. Save Cliff Lee, the Phillies will be sending up questionable pitchers like Cole Hamels, Joe Blanton, and for game two Pedro Martinez.
Hamels is a ghost of his 2008 self. He is neither overpowering nor fooling anyone at this stage. Joe Blanton is a fastball pitcher that likes to start a batter by throwing balls in the dirt. He will get behind in counts to a disciplined lineup and subsequently give up a long ball or two. Pedro Martinez looked good against the Dodgers, but then again Vicente Padilla looked good for a start against the Phillies.
The Phillies will most likely have to match the Yankees run for run rather than quieting their bats. Either way Charlie Manuel will have to go to the bullpen earlier in games than he would have liked. From there Chan Ho Park will remember he is Chan Ho Park. J.A. Happ will get bombed. Ryan Madson will walk batters. And Brad Lidge will either strike out the side or give up a grand slam.
This looks to be a good one, so pop open a beer, loosen the pants, and put up your feet. This may take a while.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Baseball Bits
We are at that funky time of the season where a lot does not matter. Most teams are locked into early winter breaks or about to make a run at a World Series title. There may be a nice race in Minnesota/Detroit but since neither is representing the American League in late October let’s just ignore them completely:
Kip Wells the Human Pitching Machine
Kip Wells finally got the Cardinals back on track today, too bad he pitches for the Reds. Both he and reliever Micah Owings combined to give up nine runs in a little over four innings. I don’t know what it takes to be a pitcher in Cincinnati but I am pretty sure the prerequisites consist of an ERA above five and a penchant to throw the ball over the plate.
Chris Carpenter chimed in with six RBI’s including a grand slam off of Wells in the 2nd inning. Troy Glaus got into the mix with his first RBI this season. Yes, the Cardinals starting pitcher and fresh off the DL third baseman combined for 8 RBI’s today off what the Red’s are calling pitchers now-a-days. I am seriously considering hiring Kip Wells to throw me batting practice when I am having a bad day. I hear he might be available soon.
At least they aren’t the Orioles
The Mets will be damned if they have anyone healthy to end the season. Jose Reyes was threatening to end September with a fully healed hamstring. The Mets staff quickly nipped that in the bud and ran Reyes in practice until he was good and re-injured. He is now out for the remainder of the season, all three games. Most would have opted to sit Reyes down and avoid pesky distractions the offseason can bring like surgery on an injured hamstring. Such is not the way of the Mets. This news was followed by the revelation that ticket prices for the Mets will be down 20% next year. I feel this was necessitated by the fact that their best players this year were Angel Pagan and Luis Castillo. You can’t charge big league prices when best and healthiest mean the exact same thing in your organization.
Any day now
I have a sneaking suspicion that the Dodgers believe the National League will clinch itself. Watching Mark Loretta try to field a ball last night, I could come to no other conclusion. Much like Manny running down a routine fly ball in left field, the Dodgers will make clinching their division look as hard as possible. I don’t like Los Angeles’ chances after that as their rotation has looked surprisingly like the quality staff of arms they have over there in Cincinnati.
Kip Wells the Human Pitching Machine
Kip Wells finally got the Cardinals back on track today, too bad he pitches for the Reds. Both he and reliever Micah Owings combined to give up nine runs in a little over four innings. I don’t know what it takes to be a pitcher in Cincinnati but I am pretty sure the prerequisites consist of an ERA above five and a penchant to throw the ball over the plate.
Chris Carpenter chimed in with six RBI’s including a grand slam off of Wells in the 2nd inning. Troy Glaus got into the mix with his first RBI this season. Yes, the Cardinals starting pitcher and fresh off the DL third baseman combined for 8 RBI’s today off what the Red’s are calling pitchers now-a-days. I am seriously considering hiring Kip Wells to throw me batting practice when I am having a bad day. I hear he might be available soon.
At least they aren’t the Orioles
The Mets will be damned if they have anyone healthy to end the season. Jose Reyes was threatening to end September with a fully healed hamstring. The Mets staff quickly nipped that in the bud and ran Reyes in practice until he was good and re-injured. He is now out for the remainder of the season, all three games. Most would have opted to sit Reyes down and avoid pesky distractions the offseason can bring like surgery on an injured hamstring. Such is not the way of the Mets. This news was followed by the revelation that ticket prices for the Mets will be down 20% next year. I feel this was necessitated by the fact that their best players this year were Angel Pagan and Luis Castillo. You can’t charge big league prices when best and healthiest mean the exact same thing in your organization.
Any day now
I have a sneaking suspicion that the Dodgers believe the National League will clinch itself. Watching Mark Loretta try to field a ball last night, I could come to no other conclusion. Much like Manny running down a routine fly ball in left field, the Dodgers will make clinching their division look as hard as possible. I don’t like Los Angeles’ chances after that as their rotation has looked surprisingly like the quality staff of arms they have over there in Cincinnati.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Bits of Tid IV
SICK
Sometimes I come across something that for lack of a better term is just sick. Redskins WR Keith Eloi simply astonishes with his ability to jump. It usually takes me a few moments to wade myself out of a pool. Eloi can do it in a split second, from a standing position, in three feet of water.
Now if that wasn't crazy, ill, stupid, dope, enough, Eloi takes a crack at getting into the bed of a truck, from a standing position, surrounded by hype men. This clip actually surfaced before the pool clip. Jarron Gilbert (Bears) was the first to jump out of a pool and Eloi wanted to one up him.
Please note that he jumped into the bed of a truck with sandals on. Rest assured that anytime I have sandals on I will not be attempting amazing physical feats.
10 PREMATURE CELEBRATIONS
Maybe your Friday is not going so well. It could be worse.
ALL-TIME BASEBALL MOVIE LINEUP
Lineup
CF Willie Mays Hayes
C Dottie Hinson
SS Marla Hooch
RF Roy Hobbes
LF Pedro Cerano/Max 'Hammer' Dubois
1B Jack Elliot
2B Michael 'Squints' Palledorous
3B Roger Dorn
Pitcher Spot
Rote
Henry Rowengartner
Billy Chapel
Eddie Harris
Kit Keller
Kenny DeNunez
CL
Rick Vaughn
All in all a substantial OBP team. I have Hayes getting on base at a regular clip. He gives pitchers headaches with his speed and tenacity. Hinson is a power hitting righty with a good eye. Her ability to lay off the high ones should allow for more RBI's for our 3-4-5 hitters. Here is where there is some controversy. Both Roy Hobbes and Marla Hooch are natural left handed sweet swingers. I figure the fact that Hooch can switch hit gives us a little leeway at the third position.
My fifth and sixth hitters give me trouble during the season as both Cerrano and Jack Elliot go through dry spells where they can't hit the breaking stuff. The only caveat is when Pedro Cerrano is actually playing 'Hammer' Dubois of the Chunichi Dragons, then he is just solid all around. I just hate that I never know what Dennis Haysbert I am getting before the game you know? Seven and Eight spots go to my defensive specialists. If they get on the base paths well that's just icing on the cake and a real problem for the opposition.
The pitching rotation is just stacked. I have an ace that will consistently throw over 100 m.p.h. in Henry Rowengartner. More than that, I am blessed with some solid vets to show him the way. Billy Chapel has one last year left in him and Harris is best described as crafty. My only problem is Kit Keller who can be a real bitch sometimes especially when she gets traded and her big sister loses the game for the Rockford Peaches on purpose just to satisfy her little sister's humongous ego. What a fuc... Well I digress.
There you have it. Solid!
Sometimes I come across something that for lack of a better term is just sick. Redskins WR Keith Eloi simply astonishes with his ability to jump. It usually takes me a few moments to wade myself out of a pool. Eloi can do it in a split second, from a standing position, in three feet of water.
Now if that wasn't crazy, ill, stupid, dope, enough, Eloi takes a crack at getting into the bed of a truck, from a standing position, surrounded by hype men. This clip actually surfaced before the pool clip. Jarron Gilbert (Bears) was the first to jump out of a pool and Eloi wanted to one up him.
Please note that he jumped into the bed of a truck with sandals on. Rest assured that anytime I have sandals on I will not be attempting amazing physical feats.
10 PREMATURE CELEBRATIONS
Maybe your Friday is not going so well. It could be worse.
ALL-TIME BASEBALL MOVIE LINEUP
Lineup
CF Willie Mays Hayes
C Dottie Hinson
SS Marla Hooch
RF Roy Hobbes
LF Pedro Cerano/Max 'Hammer' Dubois
1B Jack Elliot
2B Michael 'Squints' Palledorous
3B Roger Dorn
Pitcher Spot
Rote
Henry Rowengartner
Billy Chapel
Eddie Harris
Kit Keller
Kenny DeNunez
CL
Rick Vaughn
All in all a substantial OBP team. I have Hayes getting on base at a regular clip. He gives pitchers headaches with his speed and tenacity. Hinson is a power hitting righty with a good eye. Her ability to lay off the high ones should allow for more RBI's for our 3-4-5 hitters. Here is where there is some controversy. Both Roy Hobbes and Marla Hooch are natural left handed sweet swingers. I figure the fact that Hooch can switch hit gives us a little leeway at the third position.
My fifth and sixth hitters give me trouble during the season as both Cerrano and Jack Elliot go through dry spells where they can't hit the breaking stuff. The only caveat is when Pedro Cerrano is actually playing 'Hammer' Dubois of the Chunichi Dragons, then he is just solid all around. I just hate that I never know what Dennis Haysbert I am getting before the game you know? Seven and Eight spots go to my defensive specialists. If they get on the base paths well that's just icing on the cake and a real problem for the opposition.
The pitching rotation is just stacked. I have an ace that will consistently throw over 100 m.p.h. in Henry Rowengartner. More than that, I am blessed with some solid vets to show him the way. Billy Chapel has one last year left in him and Harris is best described as crafty. My only problem is Kit Keller who can be a real bitch sometimes especially when she gets traded and her big sister loses the game for the Rockford Peaches on purpose just to satisfy her little sister's humongous ego. What a fuc... Well I digress.
There you have it. Solid!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Yankees to sign Lord and Savior
New York, New York
by Gabriel Zaldivar
It seems the rich just keep getting richer. It looks as though the New York Yankees will have the aid of yet another veteran journeyman. Jesus Christ of heaven has reportedly signed a seven-year, 180 million dollar contract.
Jesus "el saviorrrr" Christ has been a symbol of peace and goodwill for over 2,000 years. On the recent move Jesus relayed "It sorta just fell into place you know? I never really wanted to play in New York with all the hustle and bustle but come on 180 mil?"
Some critics see the acquisition as yet further evidence to the Yankees evil empire stature. Boston native, Red Sox fan, and all-around nice guy Jimmy Durantes was quoted as saying, "Jesus (expletive deleted), I don't (expletive deleted) what he or any other (expletive deleted) at your (expletive deleted) mother," which pretty much sums up the feelings across the nation.
Yankees GM Brian Cashman seemed thoroughly pleased with his signing. It seems, however, that their pursuit of high priced talent may not be over, "We like Jesus. So we got Jesus. But we are always looking to bolster our lineup. We have been talking to the likes of Buddha, Muhammad, and whomever the Jews have been waiting around for. As the GM of the Yankees it really is my job to sign everyone in the whole entire universe!"
Jesus Christ is expected to make his first press conference on Monday. "You know I rest on Sunday, so I'll see you all after the weekend. I can't wait to put on the famed uniform...not to be an asshole but I look pretty good in pinstripes." Yes you do Jesus, Yes you do.
by Gabriel Zaldivar
It seems the rich just keep getting richer. It looks as though the New York Yankees will have the aid of yet another veteran journeyman. Jesus Christ of heaven has reportedly signed a seven-year, 180 million dollar contract.
Jesus "el saviorrrr" Christ has been a symbol of peace and goodwill for over 2,000 years. On the recent move Jesus relayed "It sorta just fell into place you know? I never really wanted to play in New York with all the hustle and bustle but come on 180 mil?"
Some critics see the acquisition as yet further evidence to the Yankees evil empire stature. Boston native, Red Sox fan, and all-around nice guy Jimmy Durantes was quoted as saying, "Jesus (expletive deleted), I don't (expletive deleted) what he or any other (expletive deleted) at your (expletive deleted) mother," which pretty much sums up the feelings across the nation.
Yankees GM Brian Cashman seemed thoroughly pleased with his signing. It seems, however, that their pursuit of high priced talent may not be over, "We like Jesus. So we got Jesus. But we are always looking to bolster our lineup. We have been talking to the likes of Buddha, Muhammad, and whomever the Jews have been waiting around for. As the GM of the Yankees it really is my job to sign everyone in the whole entire universe!"
Jesus Christ is expected to make his first press conference on Monday. "You know I rest on Sunday, so I'll see you all after the weekend. I can't wait to put on the famed uniform...not to be an asshole but I look pretty good in pinstripes." Yes you do Jesus, Yes you do.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Baseball Lunacy
As MLB playoffs kickoff, I would like to say fare thee well to the regular season. You see sometime around February I start to feel a little restless about going to see live baseball. The food, the sounds, the smells, the game itself; these are all things I look forward to.
There are of course various idiosyncrasies I could do without. So it is now that I take a look at the various items Major League Baseball must address before next season.
The Beach Ball
If walking down the street I am hit in the head with a beach ball I am usually surprised and annoyed. If I am at a baseball game I widely expect that I will not only have a beach ball in my proximity but human adults will climb over seats and people to try and hit it. The beach ball itself does not bother me. It is the look in the eye of a grown man hitting a beach ball at a live event. The shear joy and amazement in their face should really only be enjoyed by a five year old catching a soap bubble on their nose.
Audience Depth Perception
This is my favorite. Anytime there is a fly ball to any part of the outfield, the majority of the paid attendance stands up and expects a home run. A routine pop up is always followed by a surprised sigh from the crowd. Did our ability to tell the flight of a spherical object get taken at the gate? Please in the future, make note of the outfielders for home run potential. Just a hint.
The Wave
When I was a little boy I used to like seeing 'The Wave.' It was awesome to see so many people unify and perform one. I also thought The Lost Boys was a sensational movie so taste really was not my strong suit.
Has no one but me tired of 'The Wave?' It really does nothing for me now. I think around age 10 I lost the whole "Wow, that really looks like a wave" feeling. Now when there is wave I can be assured that I will miss either a double play, strikeout, double, or something of note just because the guy in front of me stands up at a crucial time.
I guess what I am wondering is how we regress 40 IQ points the minute we enter the stadium gates. Logic and good sense go out the window. Going to see baseball game takes an extreme amount of self convincing in various areas. I have to disregard the idiocy of paying $15 for three hours of parking, $10 bucks for a domestic beer, and then being forced to pee in a urinal trough like I was a barn animal. But all in all, I will do it. Because in a month, baseball will be gone. A month later I will forget all about the crowd peccadilloes and will be filled with a yearning for another season. Here is to that feeling.
There are of course various idiosyncrasies I could do without. So it is now that I take a look at the various items Major League Baseball must address before next season.
The Beach Ball
If walking down the street I am hit in the head with a beach ball I am usually surprised and annoyed. If I am at a baseball game I widely expect that I will not only have a beach ball in my proximity but human adults will climb over seats and people to try and hit it. The beach ball itself does not bother me. It is the look in the eye of a grown man hitting a beach ball at a live event. The shear joy and amazement in their face should really only be enjoyed by a five year old catching a soap bubble on their nose.
Audience Depth Perception
This is my favorite. Anytime there is a fly ball to any part of the outfield, the majority of the paid attendance stands up and expects a home run. A routine pop up is always followed by a surprised sigh from the crowd. Did our ability to tell the flight of a spherical object get taken at the gate? Please in the future, make note of the outfielders for home run potential. Just a hint.
The Wave
When I was a little boy I used to like seeing 'The Wave.' It was awesome to see so many people unify and perform one. I also thought The Lost Boys was a sensational movie so taste really was not my strong suit.
Has no one but me tired of 'The Wave?' It really does nothing for me now. I think around age 10 I lost the whole "Wow, that really looks like a wave" feeling. Now when there is wave I can be assured that I will miss either a double play, strikeout, double, or something of note just because the guy in front of me stands up at a crucial time.
I guess what I am wondering is how we regress 40 IQ points the minute we enter the stadium gates. Logic and good sense go out the window. Going to see baseball game takes an extreme amount of self convincing in various areas. I have to disregard the idiocy of paying $15 for three hours of parking, $10 bucks for a domestic beer, and then being forced to pee in a urinal trough like I was a barn animal. But all in all, I will do it. Because in a month, baseball will be gone. A month later I will forget all about the crowd peccadilloes and will be filled with a yearning for another season. Here is to that feeling.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Bits of Tid II
Farewell to a Former Florida Marlin
Mike Piazza announced his retirement today. I, like many of you, exclaimed, "was Mike Piazza still playing?" Well the answer was and shall now remain a resounding no. It seems Piazza was floating in the murky waters of this year's free agent pool hoping to be picked up. I guess it took a little over a month for Mike to take the hint. His announcement, though unsurprising, does allow us ample opportunity to honor one of the game's more prolific offensive catchers.
Awesome
Jose Canseco proved once again that he probably shouldn't be raising himself. News surfaced that the one time Oakland A's outfielder is now considering a life as a boxer. In fact he will not be training as an up and comer but will instead take the path less traveled and become an instant washed up has been. The fight is scheduled for July 21st with the challenger picking up a purse of $5,000. With the fight taking place in an Atlantic City Independent baseball stadium, it is a shame no one will see the event. I do enjoy uncomfortable social situations.
Bizarkizley
News surfaced today that Charles Barkley paid the $400,000 he owed the Wynn Casino. The prosecutor's fee of $40,000 was still outstanding. Barkley assured he would pay the fee immediately and admitted he was caught unaware of the charge.
In other news it was a really slow sports news day.
Mike Piazza announced his retirement today. I, like many of you, exclaimed, "was Mike Piazza still playing?" Well the answer was and shall now remain a resounding no. It seems Piazza was floating in the murky waters of this year's free agent pool hoping to be picked up. I guess it took a little over a month for Mike to take the hint. His announcement, though unsurprising, does allow us ample opportunity to honor one of the game's more prolific offensive catchers.
Awesome
Jose Canseco proved once again that he probably shouldn't be raising himself. News surfaced that the one time Oakland A's outfielder is now considering a life as a boxer. In fact he will not be training as an up and comer but will instead take the path less traveled and become an instant washed up has been. The fight is scheduled for July 21st with the challenger picking up a purse of $5,000. With the fight taking place in an Atlantic City Independent baseball stadium, it is a shame no one will see the event. I do enjoy uncomfortable social situations.
Bizarkizley
News surfaced today that Charles Barkley paid the $400,000 he owed the Wynn Casino. The prosecutor's fee of $40,000 was still outstanding. Barkley assured he would pay the fee immediately and admitted he was caught unaware of the charge.
In other news it was a really slow sports news day.
Friday, May 16, 2008
What To Look For This Weekend
Lakers vs. Jazz - Game 6
NBA PLAYOFFS DAY 164 - This series has been marked by the emergence of Deron Williams as a major player in the NBA. After a very quiet 14 and 9 in game one, Williams has given the Jazz a very real chance to send this series to a seventh game. They will need a lot more out of Boozer who has been relatively harmless most of this series.
The real story for game six is how, if at all, the Lakers can diminish the home court advantage. This series has really brought to light just how bad Jazz fans can be at times. In fact, Raider fans think Jazz fans are out of line. The one thing I have taken from this series is never get thousands of Mormons together. It usually ends in vile racist cheering and unexpected polygamy.
Celtics vs. Cavaliers
How dare you insinuate that the Boston Celtics were over marketed as the second coming of the Larry Bird era. A great team has to win on the road. Look for Boston to win tonight though as Boobie Gibson is out with a separated shoulder. When a team with only a few weapons is missing their biggest perimeter weapon, it's uh, it's bad.
Spurs vs. Hornets
This game should really be on Sunday, but instead it's on Monday. It's on Monday because more people will watch a game 7 on Monday than Sunday. Also the NBA will not rest until it eats itself alive.
Look for Hornets fans to whine about the hard foul David West received from Tim Duncan. The constant crying from NBA fans about these hard fouls their stars receive begs the question, when did the NBA cease as a contact sport?
INTER-LEAGUE YAY!
MLB officially gets a semi every year around this time. Yes, it's time for inter-league play. Heated rivals will play this weekend. Look for exciting match ups like Yankees/Mets or Dodgers/Angels or better yet, Nationals/Orioles. WOO HOO!
On second thought, this time of year is more a glaring slap in the pecker of how outdated the DH rule is. I think it is completely fair that the Yankees will DH the likes of Hideki Matsui and the Mets are left with Endy Chavez. But at least I can die now and say I saw the Padres and Mariners play.
Horsin' Around
See what I did there. Well, I am obviously talking Preakness. The second leg of the Triple Crown is this Saturday. I can't wait to watch little Latin men ride horses for two minutes. If this is anything like the Kentucky Derby and you love horses, please do not stick around after the race. Things get...a little weird.
NBA PLAYOFFS DAY 164 - This series has been marked by the emergence of Deron Williams as a major player in the NBA. After a very quiet 14 and 9 in game one, Williams has given the Jazz a very real chance to send this series to a seventh game. They will need a lot more out of Boozer who has been relatively harmless most of this series.
The real story for game six is how, if at all, the Lakers can diminish the home court advantage. This series has really brought to light just how bad Jazz fans can be at times. In fact, Raider fans think Jazz fans are out of line. The one thing I have taken from this series is never get thousands of Mormons together. It usually ends in vile racist cheering and unexpected polygamy.
Celtics vs. Cavaliers
How dare you insinuate that the Boston Celtics were over marketed as the second coming of the Larry Bird era. A great team has to win on the road. Look for Boston to win tonight though as Boobie Gibson is out with a separated shoulder. When a team with only a few weapons is missing their biggest perimeter weapon, it's uh, it's bad.
Spurs vs. Hornets
This game should really be on Sunday, but instead it's on Monday. It's on Monday because more people will watch a game 7 on Monday than Sunday. Also the NBA will not rest until it eats itself alive.
Look for Hornets fans to whine about the hard foul David West received from Tim Duncan. The constant crying from NBA fans about these hard fouls their stars receive begs the question, when did the NBA cease as a contact sport?
INTER-LEAGUE YAY!
MLB officially gets a semi every year around this time. Yes, it's time for inter-league play. Heated rivals will play this weekend. Look for exciting match ups like Yankees/Mets or Dodgers/Angels or better yet, Nationals/Orioles. WOO HOO!
On second thought, this time of year is more a glaring slap in the pecker of how outdated the DH rule is. I think it is completely fair that the Yankees will DH the likes of Hideki Matsui and the Mets are left with Endy Chavez. But at least I can die now and say I saw the Padres and Mariners play.
Horsin' Around
See what I did there. Well, I am obviously talking Preakness. The second leg of the Triple Crown is this Saturday. I can't wait to watch little Latin men ride horses for two minutes. If this is anything like the Kentucky Derby and you love horses, please do not stick around after the race. Things get...a little weird.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Bits of Tid
Giants shore up their bullpen
Let me lead off with Barry Zito in our "fallen" heroes section. Barry Zito was demoted to reliever status this week. We can now finally say that the Giants paid $126 million for the likes of Mark Hendrickson. Wait, no, Hendrickson can still throw a fast ball. Zito called this "a bump in the road." He failed to accurately describe it as a huge fucking mountain like bump. At least he has a few more innings to play his guitar. Can we all just go back to that magical day the giants signed their Cy Young award winning mop up guy?
Please Sit Down
Carlos Delgado was apathetically addressing claims that he straight dissed the fans on Monday night. You see Charles doesn't see fit to come out and wave his little hat to fans unless something spectacular happens. Well the fact that you got two hits on Monday and they were both home runs is reason for celebration. In fact, I believe they should have stopped the game and brought out the podium for a proper ovation. Delgado does have a sense of humor. In reacting to proper ovation etiquette, “Am I going to stay out there until they start booing?” He failed to add, "like tomorrow when I go 0 for 5."
Little Lady Killer
Speaking of once great athletes, Roger Clemens is in more trouble this week. You see Roger had a relationship in 1998 with then 15 year old Mindy McCready. He claims that he just wanted to befriend this sweet karaoke singer. Why would you want to be a friend to a 15 year old girl? What engaging conversations could you possibly have had with your new bff? Did your Red Sox teammate really allow you to hit on a 15-year old?
Well the deal didn't work out for poor old Mindy as she went on to marry a wife beater and did a lot of drugs. This comes as no surprise as I probably would be addicted to a lot of things if Roger Clemens was inside me when I was a teenager. In fact I would probably look a lot like this...
Yes, this is indeed Mindy McCready
Play Dead
In this week's edition of I saw that coming, Pat Riley retires again from coaching. He was quoted as saying "I'm excited about today and moving forward and building this franchise back to where we can be proud of it." He failed to include, "until we get to a place where we are good enough to make a run at the finals, in which case I will fire whatever coach we have and take over." This douchebag is renowned for overworking his players yet fold whenever he is in dire circumstances.
At the end of this abysmal season he stepped away from the Heat bench to go on scouting trips. Isn't that what scouts are for? Long trips away from the headache you made is just the way to flourish your hall of fame image.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Mr. Tejada I Presume?
Well I may be a little late to the Miggie party but I wanted to chime in on the peculiarity. Not only did the bomb drop last week that Miguel Tejada is in fact 33 and not 31, but he isn't even Miguel Tejada. Who did the Houston Astros sign? Well, none other than Miguel Tejeda.
Well I ask you as an astute observer, Where do the lies stop? It may be that Mr. Tejeda may have lied about taking steroids. I now don't know what or who to believe. What if Miguel Tejada doesn't even play shortstop. What then? What if it turns out he isn't even Dominican? My god, what if it turns out that Miguel Tejada is left handed Mexican hitter Karim Garcia?
Think about it. Karim Garcia was supposed to be the best thing to come out of Mexico since ponchos and diarrhea. But he never amounted to a hill of pinto beans. Have you ever noticed that Miguel Tejada/Tejeda and Karim Garcia never played at that same time? Me neither. I never bothered to notice. Perhaps Miguel "Karim Garcia" Tejada/Tejeda wanted it that way. Think about it. When is a left handed slugger who can't hit that ball not a left handed slugger who can't hit the ball? Exactly.
Well I ask you as an astute observer, Where do the lies stop? It may be that Mr. Tejeda may have lied about taking steroids. I now don't know what or who to believe. What if Miguel Tejada doesn't even play shortstop. What then? What if it turns out he isn't even Dominican? My god, what if it turns out that Miguel Tejada is left handed Mexican hitter Karim Garcia?
Think about it. Karim Garcia was supposed to be the best thing to come out of Mexico since ponchos and diarrhea. But he never amounted to a hill of pinto beans. Have you ever noticed that Miguel Tejada/Tejeda and Karim Garcia never played at that same time? Me neither. I never bothered to notice. Perhaps Miguel "Karim Garcia" Tejada/Tejeda wanted it that way. Think about it. When is a left handed slugger who can't hit that ball not a left handed slugger who can't hit the ball? Exactly.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Food for Thought
Juan in a Million
CNNSI had a great article today. Basically it outlined the worst free agent signings of the past few years. It got me thinking about the worst signing that almost was. After having a horrible season in 2000, the Detroit Tigers offered Juan Gonzalez an 8 year 150 million dollar contract the next year. Mr. Gonzalez, being a shrewd business man, declined the ill-advised offer. Had the honorable Juan-Gone been a human with logical decision making abilities he would have accepted and the Tigers would still be paying him. Imagine how bad the Tigers would be then. They wouldn't have Miguel "one more burrito" Cabrera or Gary "i used to hit real well huh?" Sheffield. As it is they are sitting at 4-10. Perhaps they need to look again at Juan Gonzalez. It couldn't hurt at this stage.
Barry Sucks
Barry "the one that should probably start taking steroids" Zito was recently quoted after a loss "It's just a fine line, I feel good about the way I'm throwing and have to stick with that." I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the problem is exactly the way you are pitching. Maybe pitch a little faster than 84. But good signing Sabean.
NOOOOOO!!!!
While we are at it. Jered Weaver's brother has a job now. Too bad for the Brewers that his job consists of pitching. Does anyone check resumes anymore? I would definitely double check Jeff Weaver's references. At least he only has a minor league contract. However, I would be more than happy to give up home runs for half of his $12000 a month salary.
Woo Hoo
In exciting Dodger news, Nomar has been activated. Awesome, if you need me I'll be over here rolling my eyes. Is it me or should Nomar and J.D. Drew do commercials for Blue Cross. Either way I have a strong feeling there is a nice hamstring injury due to the former batting champ soon.
CNNSI had a great article today. Basically it outlined the worst free agent signings of the past few years. It got me thinking about the worst signing that almost was. After having a horrible season in 2000, the Detroit Tigers offered Juan Gonzalez an 8 year 150 million dollar contract the next year. Mr. Gonzalez, being a shrewd business man, declined the ill-advised offer. Had the honorable Juan-Gone been a human with logical decision making abilities he would have accepted and the Tigers would still be paying him. Imagine how bad the Tigers would be then. They wouldn't have Miguel "one more burrito" Cabrera or Gary "i used to hit real well huh?" Sheffield. As it is they are sitting at 4-10. Perhaps they need to look again at Juan Gonzalez. It couldn't hurt at this stage.
Barry Sucks
Barry "the one that should probably start taking steroids" Zito was recently quoted after a loss "It's just a fine line, I feel good about the way I'm throwing and have to stick with that." I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the problem is exactly the way you are pitching. Maybe pitch a little faster than 84. But good signing Sabean.
NOOOOOO!!!!
While we are at it. Jered Weaver's brother has a job now. Too bad for the Brewers that his job consists of pitching. Does anyone check resumes anymore? I would definitely double check Jeff Weaver's references. At least he only has a minor league contract. However, I would be more than happy to give up home runs for half of his $12000 a month salary.
Woo Hoo
In exciting Dodger news, Nomar has been activated. Awesome, if you need me I'll be over here rolling my eyes. Is it me or should Nomar and J.D. Drew do commercials for Blue Cross. Either way I have a strong feeling there is a nice hamstring injury due to the former batting champ soon.
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