A Call to American Footie Fans

I was lucky enough to attend the recent friendly match pitting Chelsea against Inter-Milan. I had a great time. I was able to see my favorite team without traveling on a plane for more than ten hours. While I enjoyed myself, most around me feigned interest and became anxious in the "uneventful" parts of the game. Shouts of "shoot the ball" came as forwards held the ball well outside the box. I became quite aware then that Soccer has an uphill battle to become one of the bigger sports in America.

Soccer like any sport can be painstaking at times. An ex-hater of soccer I understand why. There is too much nuance to witness. Fans of soccer get excited about a well executed pass or a well received ball. These are not things easily measured. American sports fans want to see results and they want them in number form.

People want to know that someone got a hit, or a sack, or ran for ten yards and got a first down. Soccer may just be too abstract a concept for some of us right now. We tend to ignore the finer, less obvious things in this country. We eat at restaurants and order meals without any thought of the preparation that went into it. This is what a good portion of the 90 minutes of a soccer match is, preparation. What European fans seem to enjoy and what may be lost on all of us is that sometimes the means can be just as enjoyable as the end.

ESPN can show highlight goals to entice viewers of SportsCenter. Eventually though, American fans will have to change the way they take their sports if they are to enjoy the beautiful game. We will be a better sports nation for it.

An open letter to The San Francisco Giants

I am a Dodgers fan. Have been all my life. This fact insinuates one blaring reality. I hate you. Well I do. But it is getting kinda hard to keep up my hatred for a team that very well may lose 100 games for the first time in their history. I want to hate you like I did when you lost in awesome fashion to the Angels in the Series. I want to mock you. But alas you take all the fun out of it.

In fact I want you to get better. I really do. Every time I boo you I feel like a bully picking on a paraplegic one armed hooker with a nasty bout of syphilis. In effect you are completely useless. I keep checking the ESPN sports wire to see if Sabean has signed on Timmy and Jimmy to run the middle of the infield.


But before you call me racist, I have a friend that is a Giants fan. He related to me that their season was really resting on Kevin Frandsen and it was tough when he went down. I will neglect to tout that fact in deference to the Giants ineptitude and instead focus on the Giants four spot slugger, Bengie Molina. The man did have a magical year last year and posted a career high 19 home runs. But I do have to believe that 19 solo shots with no one on base this year is not going to do it for the Bay Area. Can't you guys get a person from the stands to throw up some of the same numbers you put on the field. Promotion Idea? Just think about it.

Question: Is Brian Sabean choosing his team by randomly selecting baseball cards? Maybe he is trying to get the attendance so low he can move the team to Miami. Perhaps his next signings will be of the Pedro Cerrano or Tom Berenger ilk. Well I say Kudos as long as Lethal Weapon 2's Rene Russo is thrown into the mix.


I want to reach out to my friends from the foggy North. I want you to be good enough to ridicule. As it is, I kinda feel bad hating you. How about I say I don't Like you very much and we can call it at that for the season. Please get well soon.

Love,

Gabe

P.S. Go get 'em guys. YAY! YOU GUYS! All right!!!

Oh to be Matt Leinart

I am a little befuddled this morning and that does not happen often. Sometimes I am fuddled, actually quite often. But nonetheless, I woke up this morning with ESPN covering a story about Matt Leinart and his SHOCKING pictures. I capitalized shocking to illustrate just how shocking and dangerous his actions were.

Matt Leinart, a quarterback in the National Football League, was getting drunk with women...and having a good time. Not only was he partying. He had the nerve to look like he was having a good time. The fact remains that Mr. Leinart is a professional athlete that should be having lots of gratuitous sex with many many women especially in the off season and especially because I am not. In fact I don't care that his back up and now starting QB Kurt Warner salvaged their miserable season. Warner never let loose because he happens to be married. Married by chance to a lady I happen to be quite terrified of. My point is Kurt Warner wasted his peek years on hard work and getting it done. He should have been taking more beer bongs with bloated chicks.

I find no wrong in what Matt Leinart has done or will do. Mainly due to the fact he plays on a team in Phoenix no one really cares about. But what I really wanted to say is please, for the love of Christ, stop covering football in April. It makes no sense Sportscenter.